OK, so what? The special teams unit scored more touchdowns than the offense. It's a win and I'll take it. Besides, watching the 49ers beat the Seahawks had an unusual angle to it; it was FUN. Most of the time, even a 49er win isn't all that much fun to watch. Sunday's game was Real Entertainment. Next week, the 49ers play the Cowboys, who aren't what they once were, not by a long shot. I don't want to jinx anything here, but the 49ers have a chance to start the season 2-0. Wild, man. And entertaining. By the way, while that IS indeed John Brodie in the photo, he did not play in Sunday's game. -Jobe
Once again the winds of misfortune have blown America's way and help is needed. Back east, in the wake of this hurricane/tropical storm, we have people left homeless, road-less, bridge-less, powerless. There is a lot to do. A small (and very safe) online donation to the Red Cross at RedCross.org would be a huge help. IÂ did, and I hope you will too. Whatever our differences in politics, demographics, or location, we have this in common; we're Americans and when something tough comes along and knocks us down, we stand up all the stronger. - Jobe
I was very pleased this morning. I woke up to find that I had been 'poked' by two famous poets, a very famous novelist, a girlfriend from 40 years ago, my stepbrother, and my youngest kid. Cool. Also a singer-songwriter in Hawaii thanked me for posting his video. Yes, I'm talking about FaceBook.
Let me ask you, how much space does FaceBook take up in your daily life?
I stumbled into FaceBook two and a years ago. A friend emailed me a link. I hadn't been aware of it. Mind you, besides being a DJ I am a minor poet, known regionally here in Northern California. Suddenly I had access to poets all over the world! And old school friends. And DJ's I had worked with 20 years ago. Well, I was blown away.
When you work in radio these days, you work in front of computer screens, as I do my whole shift. It's pretty easy to leave a little FaceBook window open on a computer and pop in and out. At first I did so with a bit of stealth. I'm known as a good worker and I didn't want to be accused of goofing off. Then word from on high; the boss wanted us all on FaceBook, interacting with you guys whenever possible. And it is a cool way to meet you listeners. I'm in, boss!
So how much time am I on FaceBook? A lot. Send me a friend request and say you're an Eagle listener. I'd be glad to have you. (Of course I am somewhat of a Liberal nut-job. So know that.) -Jobe.
Â Look out, kids! There's trouble in New Jersey!Â The Rockaway Township, New Jersey policeÂ have arrested a doughnut shop worker for turning tricks on the side. Evidently, if you made the right order, she went out in the car with you for 15 minutes or so. The cops set up a sting, called it Operation Extra Sugar, which I thought was a nice touch, and sent this alleged hooker to stand before the judge. You know what might help at court? Free doughnuts. Click here for the full news story. - Jobe
This is different from a flood, or a tornado. This is different from a hurricane or an earthquake. In the aftermath of the horror of the bombing in Oslo, Norway, and in the many murders on Utoya Island, Norway, we want to help. Americans are decent people, at heart. Norway hasn't harmed anyone and we hate to see harm come to Norway. But how can we help? The police there have the situation well in hand, they don't need our help there. This isn't a problem you can throw money at. U.S. troops can't help either. You have a nation full of hurt, sad people. People who have been wronged.
All we can do is open our hearts.
If you are a person who attends church, your church probably has a prayer list. Add the people of Norway to it. Put the flag of Norway on your Facebook page for a while. Put a candle in your window. Send a nice note to their ambassador in Washington, DC. Keep a good thought for these people. You remember how the Oklahoma City bombing felt, don't you? My heart goes out to them.
Paul McCartney is 69, and has more energy than I do at 55. Or so it seems. Here he is, starting yet another world tour, and here I am, with my wife yelling at me to go trim the jasmine so wheelchairs can get by on the sidewalk. What am I? A maniac? I must be crazy. An episode of Bonanza from 1966 is on! Little Joe's hot temper has got him into trouble again! But I digress.
Picture your dad at 69. Would you see him doing double shows at Yankee Stadium? And McCartney is doing about 3 DOZEN songs! These are long shows. And the word is, he sounds pretty fresh and he is still having fun. He's even messed with the original arrangements on a couple of things; he's always been shy of that before. Anyway, here's the link to the NY Times review of the show. PLEASE CLICK HERE. -Jobe
Hi, Campers. Jobe here, just over halfway through my vacation -- mostly a stay-cation, really, though I did make it up to the lake and to the lower Sierra. Also, I got a lot of the heavy yard work done for the year; tree-trimming especially. I'll be back for the Graveyard Shift Sunday night into Monday morning. Cheers! - Jobe
This isn't the sort of story one expects to find in this modern age. Sadly, it is all too true. 500 slaves were found working hard labor under harsh conditions in India. They've been freed and fed, but this happens all too often in a land where human beings are bought and sold for as little as $225. PLEASE CLICK HERE to link to the story. -JOBE
A major league baseball, filing for bankruptcy? It can't happen, right? What about all the TV money? Well, it has happened, and to the perfect team, at least the perfect team for Giants fans. In the wake of their owners divorce, the LA Dodgers have filed for bankruptcy. I've known for sometime that the Dodgers are morally bankrupt, but since they are a team built by spending big money, I thought they were rolling in it. Well, I hope they keep their doors open; there isn't anyone I'd rather beat. PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE NEWS STORY. - JOBE
Not much makes me feel better than when someone who 'has' helps out those who 'have not.' That's why it's nice to know that Oscar winning actor, Jeff Bridges, is helping to take on childhood hunger in America. Bridges, it turns out, has quietly been involved in fighting hunger for almost 30 years! In the words of The Big Lebowski; "The dude abides." -Jobe
Clarence Clemons, one of the great saxophonists of the classic rock era, has died of complications from a stroke. His work with Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band will live for as long as popular music exists, yes, especially that solo on Born To Run. But not only that. Clemons helped to shape and define the 'New Jersey' sound, which in and of itself shaped rock music for two decades. Clarence Clemons loved a big show and a big crowd, but if he played for forty people he played just as hard. The Big Man entertained. - Jobe
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE CNN STORY
Rest. You are going to sleep now.
When you awaken you shall be far away.
You will dream of flying,
whole landscapes will pass beneath you.
Rest.You will be cuddled soft in cool, white breezes,
then you will become the breeze itself.
You are now summer, and the children are all grown,
and you will ease away through an open window.
James Lee Jobe
the state or quality of being kind: kindness to animals.
a kind act; favor: his many kindnesses to me.
kindÂ behavior: I will never forget your kindness.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.Â Mark Twain
A kind word is like a Spring day.Â Russian Proverb
Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.Â ~Samuel Johnson
Kindness. Jesus was for it, Gandhi, too. So am I. I bet you've seen that bumper sticker: I PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS. It feels kind of cool to see it, doesn't it?
Well, how about a whole website of kindness?Â PLEASE CLICK HERE for The Random Acts Of Kindness Foundation, where you can find tips on being kind, kindness blogs, quotes about kindness; all in a very slick website.
I am pleased to share it with you. -JOBE
Ah, the Germans. Here in Cali, if one, like myself, has a round stomach, one adorns the body with loose fitting clothes. To hide the fat? Yeah, that's part of it, but also it is just more attractive that way. Not so in the land of Speedos on fat men and bratwurst and beers for everyone. Our brothers and sisters in Berlin and Munich have much cooler attitudes about the human body; nude sunbathing in public parks and at the beach is common, and now this; nude hiking. PLEASE CLICK HERE to link to the full story.
By the way, if you would like to do some nude hiking, I have seen several naked people stomping around on the Yuba River trails in Nevada County, especially below San Juan Ridge. A lot of the original hippies settled up there. I'm guessing a lot of Germans would fit right in.
Maybe we all need to shed these hangups about nudity. It could be that the Hippies and the Euros are right! Lets have a naked party! -JOBE
I know most people think radio DJs make a lot of money, but in most cases, it isn't true. Our benefits could be better, too. For these two reasons I have been looking for a way to supplement my income, and I think I have a pretty good idea. (This time.) Rent-A-Dog. For pet lovers who are really busy, and don't have time to take proper care of a dog, but would like to go to the park and play 'fetch' once in a while. You could rent your dog by the hour, day, or week, though I suspect most of the business would be hourly. Still, someone might want a dog for vacation. Rent-A-Dog.Â It's just insane enough of an idea to be a hit in this nutjob world. Or Rent-A-Cat. Either way. -JOBE
Kids, if you live long enough, you get to see most, or all, of your heroes die. Gunsmoke went on the air about the time of my birth, maybe a year earlier, and I grew up watching Marshall Matthew Dillon dispatch justice in Dodge City with a six shooter, a rifle, and a strong sense of right and wrong. He'd bring a bad guy in for trial as much as he could... but he'd shoot first and ask questions later if need be. And it often did. Along the way, he stood up for the little guys, ladies, kids, Native Americans, African Americans, and people of mixed racial background. Marshall Dillon didn't like robbers, killers, bigots, or mean people.
But then, Marshall Dillon, wasn't real. James Arness, the actor, was. And quite often the stories of standing up to bigotry were there because Arness asked the writers to make it that way. He had a strong sense of right and wrong as a man, and he wanted the show to reflect that. And now he's gone.
James Arness has passed away of natural causes at age 88. And he left behind a letter for us all that you might like to know about. He had his charm and grace.. and his wits.. until the very end. PLEASE CLICK HERE to link to the full story. And by the way, he was a veteran of World War 2 who fought at Anzio Beach. -JOBE
Well, Funsters, Science is at it again. The creatures that lives the deepest beneath us, way down - 3 kilometers down - are worms. That's DEEP. We had thought only single celled bacteria was down that far, but no! Worms. And two species of worms at that, including a brand new one! Well, new to us. Let's put one on a hook and have a go at some catfish. CLICK HERE to link to the story on CNN's mighty fine website; I go there every day. -JOBE
This is just a cute story about a bear cub in Slovenia that seems to been abandoned by its mother, but found a home nonetheless with a loving, caring family of humans. PLEASE CLICK HERE for the very nice story. -JOBE
It took me a while to realize why Sarah Palin is taking this bus tour of America at this particular time. She isn't running for President. She's angling for a shot to host the new season of Ice Road truckers! -JOBE
Woodsquawk. The final day. There's so many people to thank:
- Navy Seal Team 6 for providing security, which mostly consisted of keeping the local county police out; many thanks.
- To Dos Equis for the beer; many thanks. Many, many thanks.
- To the volunteers in the food court, the side stages, and in the campground; many thanks.
- To those Eagle listeners who kept the beer on ice and the BBQ going at the Jobe Manor tent... for 4 days... many thanks.
- To the classic rocks acts who came from so far for no pay, and played just for love; many thanks. (Especially Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and John Bonham, who had so far to travel.)
- Especially for Sir Paul McCartney, who did set after set, walked the grounds and partied with everyone and anyone, and caught fish to fry in the VIP tent in Keller's Creek even though he is a vegan. At one point Paul even 'talked down' a fellow who discovered his wife with another fellow and was ready to do violence. Paul sang 'Let It Be' to the guy, and lent us his private chopper to get him to a lawyer. He even rooted for The Giants and swapped stories with the World's Most Interesting Man. Thank you, Sir Paul.
- To Charlie Thomas, the bear of a man, who personally erected many of the tents; thank you. (And those people who got in his way, we apologize.)
- To Bob Keller, who hooked us up with Grandpa Max Keller in the first place, giving us this prime location for free; thanks, Bob.
- To Derek Moore, for searching the countryside for bells to open AC/DC's Hells Bells, and for bitch-slapping Donald trump when he wouldn't leave the Speakers Stage after his time was up. Thanks, man.
- To Doug Thomas, for convincing Charlie Sheen that prostitutes would be inappropriate for a family event.
- To Kat Maudru, who gave Sting back when she was done with him; thank you. (We were worried about that one.)
- To Tom Nakashima, for providing what came to be called The Baseball Tent for those of us who just can't give up The Giants for 4 days; thank you.
- To station manager Curtiss Johnson and music director Brian 'Booger' Lopez, for their intense work scheduling and negotiating for the acts; many thanks to you, gentlemen.
- To general manager and VP John Geary, for staying the hell out of it, year after year. We appreciate it more than we can say.
- To our sponsors and sales department, which helped pay for the whole thing. The electricity alone was in 6 figures. (Maybe next year Pacific, Gas, & Electric could be a sponsor). Thank you.
- To the shuttle bus drivers and chopper pilots, who moved people in and out of an odd location for 4 days without incident; our thanks. In fact, this year we misplaced fewer people than ever before, only 22.
- And to the Eagle listeners, who came, partied, camped, and helped clean up the grounds before leaving; thank you. We'll see you at the upcoming party for Bob Keller's 50 years in broadcasting.
At this point the concert has entered a sort of timelessness. That life before Woodsquawk, that was a different life, a different Jobe. I am this man now, surrounded by music, surrounded by brothers and sisters. We have become a community, a people apart. Monday when we part, there will be a sadness. And now it is night on Max Keller's farm, cool breezes stir the trees, and the stars are tiny diamonds on the velvet blanket of night. -JOBE
What a day! I didn't even have time for lunch until 3:30! Luckily Bob Keller had some extra fish heads in his fanny pack. I spent a long time trying to help Derek Moore find just the right bells for the intro to AC/DC's Hells Bells. In the end, a minister from the Mount Aukum Church of the Redeemer brought in the bells from their own bell tower. Very nice. Also, very heavy. Nails were broken.
Now I'm in the shade at the Jobe Manor tent down on the campground with some Dos Equis on ice and some unidentifiable meat on the grill. It all tastes just like chicken, even when there isn't a dog or a cat left within miles. Bob Seger is rocking out and I'm hoping that Navy Seal Team #6, our security team, doesn't mistake him for Osama again. Twice is enough for one afternoon.
Keller Canyon Road off of HWY 50, there's still 29 hours to go!! -JOBE
I had a career high point this morning as I got to bring The Eagles on and off the Woodsquawk stage for their 8am set. We needed to keep them moving fast, too, as Derek Moore was bringing on ZZ Top next, and let's just say that the politics of two groups are vastly different, and ZZ Top is sometimes armed. The Eagles are more like me, left of center Democrats. ZZ Top is somewhat to the right of Sarah Palin. Also, Glenn Frey wasn't too pleased that I announced on-air how Don Henley slapped him for missing a high note, but in the end he hugged me and offered to let me sit in on bongos for his solo set, when I hope he does Smuggler's Blues. Now Frey is taking me to the cigar area for something called a splint. Anybody know what that is? A Cuban cigar maybe?
By the way, these updates of mine are coming to you via the Eagle APP on my Smartphone, which you can have, too, for free. Just text the word APP to 45797, and we'll send you the link. On Tuesday....-JOBE
DON HENLEY AND EAGLE LISTENER TROY CUTBIRTH OF RIO LINDA, At DAWN ON SUNDAY
Just a brief update. We're all starting to dry out a bit. Was that rain in the forecast? I missed it if it was! The show goes on all night and old Max Keller let us make bonfires everywhere. People are dancing like pagans. The Eagle staff is scattered, I don't know where the others are and I'm not sure who is introducing the next act. I'll make my way to the stage in case it's me!
I was down in the food court for dinner with Robert Plant and Mike Campbell (lead guitar for The Heartbreakers). We could all eat in the VIP tent but it's more fun with the fans all around. People bought us Dos Equis and food that was not quite identifiable, but tasty for being deep fried. Mike had his guitar and we all sang Surfin' Bird. Steve Garland from Sales joined in, and then the whole food court was singing Surfin' Bird. A couple of loose dogs howled along, too. I love California, man.
A reminder; Eagle listeners are welcome in the Jobe Manor tent to crash at night, or anytime. The cold beer and BBQ goes 24/7 thanks to volunteers and my cousin Danny Jobe. Say hi to Danny if you come down; he's dressed like a Shriner because, well, he is a Shriner. Far side of the campground, the biggest tent there, multi-colored. -JOBE
My son, Willie Lee Jobe, leading a campground singalong
of Hey, Hey, What Can I Do? down at the Jobe Manor tent.
I am a huge fan of Gil Scott-Heron. His album, Small Talk At 125th & Lenox, came out when I was in junior high, and was a huge influence on my poetry and my taste in music. I also had his albums, Winter in America, and Pieces of a Man. To me, his music and poetry perfectly recounted life as I saw it on the streets of inner-city Baltimore, with one exception; his work reflected a kindness and humanity that the streets often lacked.
As I write this, my radio station, The Eagle, is the in the middle of Woodsquawk, a musical celebration, and I don't mean to bring you down, but we lost an important artist here. Gil Scott-Heron's work laid the foundations for rap and hip-hop, and fused jazz, R&B, and popular song into a message of change. There is hope in his lyrics.
CLICK HERE to link over to the CNN story. And I choose a photo of the younger Gil on purpose. I'll remember him this way, before he was torn down by drugs and alcohol and HIV. Rest easy, poet; your work is done. Your troubles are over. Now you are One with The Light.Â -JOBE
Sleeping the night away in the spacious Jobe Manor tent.
Things are going swimmingly at Woodsquawk, and I mean that literally; I just went swimming in the creek with one or two or maybe 75 other people. Hey, we're not shy out here. Just shuck 'em and jump in! And it was faster than the lines for the showers.
All of the groups have been outstanding, and to bring out Paul McCartney on-stage was a career highlight for me. I could tell from the way he shared his weasel-on-a-stick with me that Paul felt the same. "Dude," I said, "do you have any idea how many divorce jokes I made about you on-air? You paid $500 million for that divorce." "A bargain, mate," he smiled and ran out on stage. What a swell guy.
I passed the night in the spacious 5 room Jobe Manor tent with a dozen or so Eagle listeners who had nowhere to crash. Even with 800 square feet of tent space we were... cozy. And there's a lot to be said for the joys of older ladies for company. I mean, I guess they were ladies; it was dark in there and the feeling group love was flowing. Lots of things were flowing.
Breakfast in the food court; fish heads, rodent stew, and boiled eggs, a 6 shot espresso and back to the main stage by 10am. I thought it was sweet that the concert paused for Keller's regular Saturday morning show, SAY YA WANT A REVOLUTION. It seems that even Styx and Kansas listen every week online.
More later! -JOBE
Nope, Sarah Palin isn't starring in a movie; that would be funny. CNN has confirmed that a movie is being made about Sarah Palin and will debut next month in Iowa. Iowa? I'm guessing Tina Fey does not play the former governor of Alaska in this one. Will it cover the beauty queen era? The moose hunting era? The foot-in-mouth era? The I can see Russia from my house era? I guess we'll have to wait and see! -JOBE
Like many Eagle listeners, I am a lifelong Giants fan, but I'm not originally from Northern California at all. In fact, I'm from Baltimore, a fine baseball town, but while growing up Baltimore was my #2 team. I loved the Orioles, sure, but mostly because that was the team I could hear on the radio every day. The Giants caught a lot of Saturday afternoon national TV games, but besides that I had to wait till they played the Phillies and maybe I'd be able to pick up Philadelphia radio after the sun went down. It wasn't like today; there was no 'sports package' to buy on 'cable.'
Why the Giants, then? I can answer that in two words: Willie Mays. Willie was simply the most exciting player ever. Ever. Willie came at you so many ways. He could hit for power, the home runs. 660 of them, in fact. He could hit for percentage, he was usually close to .300, year after year. He could run, he was like greased lightening; steal a base, and get under a deep hit in center field. And Willie could throw, from anywhere on the field to anywhere, fast, hard, accurate. But it was more than that.
Attitude. You could tell Willie Mays was having fun. If he was running the bases, it was all out with a smile on his face; you could tell he was digging it, man. The ballcap at that cocky forward angle, so it would fly off of his head when he ran. The self-assured manner that said, "Bring it on." And not like a jerk. Like your favorite cousin might say it. I loved him, and I still do. Willie Mays, even now at 80 years old, IS the Giants to me.
Currently I'm reading WILLIE MAYS, THE LIFE, THE LEGEND, by James S. Hirsch, and the biography is worthy of Willie Mays. It is an exciting, fast, read, which is good; it's not a small book. The details in here are incredible. Hirsch must have spent years researching it. I mean, I don't know how long, but the stories and anecdotes are rich with detail and description. And this is not a 'kiss-up' bio. Willie could be stubborn and full of himself at times, and Hirsch doesn't gloss this over.
For any Giants fan, I think is is a must-have book. Tom Nakashima, another lifelong Giants fan, lent me his copy, but you'll be able to find a copy for yourself in just about any bookstore. May I suggest your local independent book seller? I like seeing the money go to local businesses. But certainly you could order from Amazon.
And my youngest son's first name? It's Willie. -JOBE
St. John's Regional Medical Center in Joplin, Mo., after it was hit by a tornado on Sunday.
A hug tornado, one of several torndoes around the midwest portion of the country on Sunday, has struck Joplin, Missouri. A hospital was hit, and there are many deaths reported. Minneapolis, Minnesota also took hard damage, and at least one person died there. The rescue and cleanup efforts will be expensive and extensive. Please help by making a donation to the Red Cross. You can donate online safely. PLEASE CLICK HERE to link to the Red Cross website. Besides the loss of life, many people are homeless and more are without power. Every donation will help. Please do so. For more coverage, PLEASE CLICK HERE. -Jobe
Some sad news; word has come from Beijing, China, that Ming-Ming, the world's oldest panda has died at age 34. It was kidney failure. Ming-Ming had been living in a zoo, which makes her long life even more surprising. Pandas in captivity average about 15 years of life, 22 years in the wild. Giant pandas are the most endangered species on earth, about 1600 live in the wild, about 300 in captivity. Most of those in captivity are in a Chinese breeding program, but they do loan them out to zoos. Adios, Ming-Ming. We hardly knew you! Maybe Jack Black will play you if they do a movie; he's had a little practice.
Over $1 billion. That's how much Jerry Lewis has raised to fight muscular dystrophy in his 45 years of doing the Labor Telethon. That's BILLION. My opinion of Lewis? He's a hack comic, a second rate movie star, and almost unwatchable without Dean Martin at his side... and he is an American hero of the finest kind. Who knows how people Jerry has helped, how much suffering he has eased with his work for this cause through the years. And this year is the last one. Jerry Lewis is 85 years old and in failing health. In fact, it is amazing he's even alive; perhaps a man with a weaker spirit wouldn't be. So whatever you and I might think of his talent as a performer, as a humanitarian, he is the best, just The Best. Over $1 billion to dollars to fight an awful disease. Well done. Sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" one more time, Jerry; I'll go get my checkbook. -JOBE
I'm James Lee Jobe, a southern, caucasian man (I like to say Welsh-American) with a biracial marriage. I'm the father of a houseful of now adult biracial children. My wife is Alexandra, a Chinese-American woman from Chicago.
When we first started dating Alex was worried that might be problems from bigots. I wasn't worried, but if anyone stared at us a little too long on a bus or in a restaurant, I would get angry and go over and ask them what was their problem. I wasn't the sort of young fellow who got frightened easily. Sometimes I was very angry, and failed to put my inquiry very politely. While I still feel these people were wrong, I regret my anger. It lacked class and dignity. My implied threats of violence were exactly the wrong response.
Let introduce you to another James, a Mr. James Zwerg. James is an older gentleman, retired now. 50 years ago, when I was a boy of 4, James was a Freedom Rider; one of those people who went into the deep south to stand up, non-violently, to the rampant racism there. Although severly beaten and threatened with death, James led with his faith in God, not his fists, and he is a hero of mine. Although our beliefs in racial equality are the same, there is no way I am in this man's league. And there were many Freedom Riders. I see them as heroes of our country, as brave as those died on Normandy Beach or Bunker Hill.
A generation ago, or certainly two generations ago, my marriage would have been damn near impossible, likewise for my children. My family owes these heroes a huge debt. I found a fantastic story on James Zwerg on the CNN website just now. Please have a look. And many thanks to CNN and writer John Blake for this. - JOBE
My friends, many times I have asked you this; could you please head over to the Red Cross website and make a donation. This time it is floodwater from the rising Mississippi and tornadoes in the deep south. Even 5 or 10 dollars would be a huge help... if we all do it. And I have. I hope you will, too. These are our countrymen, and they are hurting. The link is below. Thank you! -JOBE
PLEASE CLICK HERE
Jealousy among 60s rock stars? One star snubbing another? Say it ain't so!
Well, Paul Simon says it IS so. The other star involved? Mr. Cuddly himself, Bob Dylan. CLICK HERE to read the complete story on the British news website, The Guardian, and while you're there, click over to their main page; it really is a fine news site! - JOBE
You guys know that The Eagle is on Facebook and Twitter, but let me tell you, so am I, personally. Send me a friend request on Facebook, and let me know you're an Eagle listener; I'll accept! I'm at facebook.com/jamesleejobe. You can follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/jamesleejobe. And my personal, non-radio blog is at jamesleejobe.wordpress.com. It's a digital world, man. -JOBE
A bit of sad news today, former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver have separated after 25 years of marriage. That's a long time for a Republican and a Democrat to be married. They haven't said exactly why, but it is known that the former First Lady never wanted the former Governor to run for office. Being from the Kennedy family, I'm guessing she had already had enough of that. One thought; it could be Arnold's cigars. Nothing stinks like a cigar, even expensive ones smell like burning cow manure! Better luck next time to you both, Arnold and Maria; here's wishing Arnold a nice stinky right winger like himself, and for Maria I wish a left winger muscle boy with no illusions about tobacco. -JOBE
Let's talk about gasoline. As I write this on Sunday night, May 8th, gas prices in the Sacramento area are generally between $4.09 and $4.15 a gallon for regular. Like about a dollar higher since the last series of increases in price began. Yet, my understanding is the price per barrel hasn't gone up. Why then, did they raise prices at all? A fair question, especially since it also raises the price of everything that gets delivered by truck. Like food. Food! Now, in the Sunday Sacramento Bee, there is a story that claims 'officials' say the price should go down by about .50 a gallon by full summer. OK, but why did they go up? My opinion, and this is just an opinion, is it was all planned out. The gas sellers, not the oil companies wanted a bigger slice of the pie, about .50 a gallon more. How do you get away with that? First, raise it a dollar a gallon, then when you cut that back by half, everyone is so grateful they don't complain. What can we do? Not much. Back in the 1970's President Nixon was convinced we were getting hosed on oil prices, and he froze prices for a while. I say, when that .50 cut kicks in, let's freeze it for a couple of years. Let's take the bull by the horns. Um, Mr. President? Please? -JOBE
Etan Thomas is an NBA star. He plays for the Atlanta Hawks. He is also a poet and an author and a grad of Syracuse University. This is not a dumb jock, but an articulate gentleman with the ability to back up his views with facts. This guy is smarter than I am. I'm not ashamed of it. And Etan Thomas thinks Donald Trumps attacks on President Obama smack of racism and disrespect. And I agree. Mr. Thomas has written a fine article on the subject which I caught on the CNN website. Check it out. -JOBEPLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE ARTICLE ON THE CNN SITE.
Most of us who were kids in the early 1960s were fans of the Dick Van Dyke Show. Dick wasÂ hilarious, Mary Tyler was at her hottest, and Carl Reiner stole every scene he was in. It was both fun and funny,Â which are two very different things, and most of us from that era have seen every show. If that's you, I bet you can hum the theme song even today.... but did you know that the theme song had lyrics? Yes, and the lyrics were written by Morey Amsterdam, who played Buddy. To hear the song, sung by Dick Van Dyke, now well into his 80s, PLEASE CLICK HERE. -JOBE
No, it isn't Charlie Sheen or Donald Trump. They're both just fine and as full of manure as ever. No, I mean master-terrorist Osama Bin-laden. Lindsay Lohan has denied responsibility, and at first some people thought The Donald's comb-over might be involved. Nope. It was those good ol' U.S. of A. troops. They attacked Bin-Laden's compound in Pakistan, killed him with a head shot, took his corpse with them, and got away without one American casualty.
And I am not sure how I feel about it. Like most Americans, I hated Bin-Laden; he was truly evil inside and out. But I also don't believe in an eye for eye, a death for a death. Indeed, in our country, only the government can legally kill; it's called an execution. And I am against it. If someone murders your sweet ol' auntie, you can't just shoot that person; that's also murder. But the government can, after a fair trial and about a million appeals from the guilty. I don't agree with that. To me, it's still murder, even if the executed is a Charlie Manson. I prefer that the bad guys go to prison forever.
That's not the part that bothers me. This time, I seem willing to live with it. That bothers me. Granted, Osama Bin-Laden killed far more people than Charlie Manson. You can't lose sight of that, it denigrates the suffering of far too many people.
Did you ever see the movie, THE MAN WHO SHOT LIBERTY VALANCE? In the end you find out Jimmy Stewart didn't kill Lee Marvin in self-defense, but that John Wayne murdered him from down the street with a rifle shot, firing at the same time as Stewart. When Wayne owns up to it, decades later, Stewart asks, "You mean you just murdered him?" An older, unshaven John Wayne practically sneers his answer, "I can live with it."
Osama Bin-Laden is dead, and my tax dollars helped to do it. And this no-death-penalty liberal says, "I can live with it." -JOBE
Well, it's done. Prince Willie and his Kate are married and the wedding was everything a little girl must dream of, and everything a guy like me would me would dread. With the time difference between here and London, the wedding was in the wee hours of the morning for us, yet millions of Americans were up and tuned in. On Facebook, a friend asked me why I thought so many Americans even cared about what she called 'a silly monarchy.' I'll tell you why. There's two reasons, as I see it; one, that silly monarchy was almost our silly monarchy. Missed it by this much. And two, I believe there millions of us who long for a kind and wise king or queen to lead us. Let me ask you this; did you cry more when The Ring went into the lava and Frodo lived, or when Aragorn, after 80 years of waiting, was crowned king? Me, too. Don't be ashamed of loving the Royals, it is also a part of our heritage. -Jobe
TOP FIVE REASONS WHY DONALD TRUMP SHOULD NEVER BE PRESIDENT
#5 - That stupid haircut would be too hard for the folks who make statues.
#4 - Congress won't put up with being 'fired.'
#3 - We don't want him re-naming all the buildings in Washington D.C. -- the Trump Library of Congress, the Trump Capital Building, etc.
#2 - He might bring Gary Busey and Meat Loaf along to the 'auditions' for cabinet positions.
#1 - Donald Trump? In charge of nuclear bombs and the oil reserve? You're kidding, right?
Say it ain't so! Buckingham Palace has released a statement saying that beer will NOT be served at the royal reception for Prince Willie and the fair Kate. Champagne? Yes. Wine? Sure. But not beer; it is not cool enough to be served in front of the Queen.
Dang. I sure am glad I found out in time to cancel my flight. I bet there's no hotdogs either! -Jobe
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE NEWS STORY ON THE MONSTER AND CRITICS WEBSITE.
This is a story that will cheer your heart. Just 4 months after being shot point blank through the head, U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords is recovered enough to attend her husband's space shuttle launch.
These two have become my favorite couple, the brave astronaut and the brave congresswoman, whose love withstands all. These two make me proud to be an American, and not only that, but the congresswoman is a Democrat. Yes!Â -Jobe
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE STORY AT THE CNN SITE.
It's a hard land, that's for sure. We live in a land where billions are spent to wage war while people starve in the streets, die of AIDS, die of cancer. Where are our priorities? Where are our hearts?
When you follow the link below, you find a story on The Stir website about a homeless woman arrested for sending her son to school. Why? If she's homeless, then she doesn't live in their school district, and she is liable for the cost of education that was spent on her child, who is 6 six years old. That amount, the school district claims, is over $15, 000, which makes it first degree larceny.
What cold, heartless people are these? Do they sleep well at night, having put a stop to this great crime? Do they feel like 'good citizens' protecting themselves, or are they just simply selfish beyond belief? Are they afraid of something? I'll leave it for you to decide. But first, let me leave you with a little story about my Grandpa.
Grandpa never passed a beggar without trying to help, though he was a poor man himself. As a boy, I saw him give little handouts on the street, and if he happened across someone hungry near to his home, he took them home and fed them himself. Sometimes a hungry person would knock on the back door, having heard of him. "You sure are good," I said to him as a boy, my heart swelling with pride. "No," he said, "I am incredibly fearful. One of them might be Jesus come back, and I am afraid to turn Him away." -Jobe
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE STORY.
I swear, if this doesn't make you tear up a little, have your pulse checked. You might be dead. This is a story on the always cool CNN site about a little boy who saves his the life of his even younger sister. PLEASE CLICK HERE. A little hero-dude. -Jobe
I saw a story in The Bee over the weekend about how we're accidently killing wildlife with rat poison. It's sad. We have, evidently, millions of rats in California, and for the most part we deal with these rodents with poison. Problem is, a lot of them don't die right away, and they get eaten by another creature, which gets poisoned. We're talkin' hawks, foxes, bobcats, owls, and more than a few cats.
In the story, no one seemed real sure what to do about it, but I have an idea. We ban the poison, and each California citizen is required to own a mouser cat. Training centers for the cats would be set up, creating jobs. Now, if you have a family of more than 3 people or more, two mousers are enough. I mean, if you have seven kids you don't need to get seven cats, but you follow me here, right? A buttload of hunting cats, and since the poison is gone, the rodents are safe for the felines to eat.
Once, I read about a restaurant in China that only serves rat dishes. That's not a bad idea either, but it would take a lot of restaurants. -Jobe
As I write this, the seventh, I repeat, the seventh American air traffic controller this year has been suspended for allegedly sleeping on the job. What the hell is going on in those airports? Is narcolepsy a job requirement for air traffic controller? Are they all taking turns sleeping off four day drunks? And it seems to be rather random as to where it happens; this isn't just New York or Los Angeles. Incidents of sleeping controllers have been reported or suspected in areas as dirverse as Washington, D.C. and Lubbock, Texas.
It could easily be right here in River City, kids.
Clearly government control isn't enough. Friend, you and I need to take matters into our own hands. I have a pro-business solution. Let's get a Starbuck's franchise in every airport tower across the land. A double-espresso for everyone going on duty. Maybe loud Led Zepplin music, too. -JOBE
Spoken word artists, poets, slam winners, musicians and more - including me. I'll be reading with poets like Bob Stanley (who will have blues guitarist Robert Nakashima with him), Danyen Powell, Shawn Pittard and many others. Thursday at The Crocker Art Museum in Sacramento. Museum admission is $10. 5-9pm. I'll be reading my poems in the 7pm hour, it's hard to be more exact. -JOBE
It has only been a few days since the 2011 baseball season opened with what one would think of as a classic opening series; the Giants at the Dodgers. One of greatest rivalries in all of sports, not just in baseball, it is a rivalry that survived the move of both teams from New York to California, where the rivalry grew even more with the teams now being at opposite ends of a state where North and South have rather different cultures and lifestyles. I had high hopes for some exciting baseball, and the teams did not let me down. The fans did.
We all know of the beating a Giants fan took down in Los Angeles, all for the great crime of wearing his Giants gear, for being a fan. For loving his team. Now, while this victim still lies in a hospital bed, the Dodgers have come to San Francisco, and I say to Giants fans everywhere, please do not retaliate.
Do not be like the violent, ignorant scum who committed this crime. Boo the Dodgers loudly, support our Giants proudly, but not raise your hand to someone who happens to be from LA, and who happens to love his team, too. Indeed, in this tough business climate, be glad the guy bought a ticket!
To paraphrase Gandhi; 'an eye for an eye' will leave the whole world blind. And Gandhi loved the Giants. -Jobe
Just a quick little fun thing today. This is one of the more strange headlines I've come across lately, Maine law makers think that switchblade knives should be legal for one-armed people. And this isn't from someÂ nutjob news site; this is from MSNBC!
CLICK HERE to go straight to the story. -JOBE
OK, Kids, here's something you can use. GASBUDDY.COM tracks the cheapest gas all over the country. In Tuesday's Sacramento Bee there is a story on gas prices starting to top $4 a gallon for regular here in our area.Â GASBUDDY.COM showed me a half dozen places where I can buy it for $3.85, and several more beyond that that are also under $4. Sweet. Thought I'd share the wealth with you today. By the way, it's only 262 days until Christmas as I post this; how's the shopping going? -JOBE
I found this nice little piece on the MSN site, which, year after year, continues to be an excellent source of new on the web. Writer Ludovic Hunter-Tilney has lunch with Roger Waters, who ignores his very expensive side of fish. I enjoy Waters for his droll replies and dry wit. In my opinion, Rogers' blessing has also always been his curse; he's one of the smartest and most talent men of the classic rock era. And he knows it. Lucky for us he isn't shy about it. PLEASE CLICK HERE to link over the MSN feature story. -JOBE
A Giants fan was critically beaten after the Giants - Dodgers game Thursday night in Los Angeles. The man was wearing Giants gear, and the police are seeking 2 men in Dodgers gear. People, that's sick. The Giants - Dodgers rivalry is one of the greatest in sports, and to demean it with thug violence cheapens the entire sport and is an insult to fans of both teams. CLICK HERE for the whole story on the L.A. Times (very cool) site. -JOBE
Singer Jennifer Hudson was on the Tonight Show recently and I almost didn't recognize her as she has lost 80 pounds. 80! That's like losing Pee Wee Herman! And while she looks great, I must admit, I was disappointed. You see, there are men, and I am one of them, who like a round woman, the full-figured gal, the sweetie with some meat on her bones. And pre-diet, Jennifer Hudson is perfect. P E R F E C T. I'm a Baltimore boy. And Baltimore is a city just full of full figured gals like Jennifer was. Sassy girls who get up in your face. Powerful, take charge women who tell you what they need right up front. Physically strong ladies who can... move you around, man! Jennifer still has that powerhouse voice, so she isn't going anywhere. You wait, a couple of kids from now, she'll come back to me. Oh, baby. Daddy is waitin'.... -Jobe
Spring is in the air, and that means it's time for The Eagle to give away a Harley Davidson. She's a beauty, too. The Harley-Davidson Dyna Wide Glide is almost a work of art. Long, clean lines, vibrant colors, looks good, feels good. You'll want leathers for this one, kids.
My problem, and it's a big one; I work for the company, so I can't even enter. Awww. The Spousal Unit says I'm crazy for even wanting a bike. Especially a top-dollar bike like this; I can't afford to buy it either.
Another cool bit of transportation; the old WWII Army bike. Check it out:
The Spousal Unit says I can't have that one either. She probably pictures my brains on the sidewalk. She smiles a lot, you know. -Jobe
Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York City, is disputing the census results for his area. Bloomberg says that Brooklyn and Queens were especially under-counted, with just 1.6% and 0.1% growth given for the last decade, respectively. That does sound pretty stupid, doesn't it? ANY part of New York only growing 0.1% in ten years?
Important things hinge on this being right or wrong; how many representatives in Congress, for one thing. I have always believed that the homeless in Northern California are vastly under-counted. So how can we get this right?
A little implant, just under the skin, at birth, is far better way to keep count... AND track of everyone. We just lo-jack the whole population, starting at birth. Cool, huh? -Jobe
A man in Shelby, NC claims to have seen and videotaped Bigfoot crossing a road. He says it stank, they always say that, and that it growled at him. He produced a still photo for the reporters that was grainy and hard to see; they always are hard to see, aren't they?
Two things have always bugged me about Bigfoot. I get that they are are to find; they hide. But friend, let me tell you, if creatures like Bigfoot exist, then they must do two things; poop and die. No Bigfoot feces or corpses have ever been found. To me, that says BS.
CLICK here for the full story on the (cool) MSNBC website. Also, the photo I used here is from a previously debunked sighting -Jobe
Even Sacramento's mayor, the honorable Kevin Johnson, says it; every day it looks more and more like the Sacramento Kings will leave us for Anaheim. Soon. The Anaheim Royals. Whatever. The Kings are consistently one of the 3 or 4 worst teams in the NBA. Period. Let's face it, Funsters - they're just awful. It would be best to let them go. But not for just a smile and a hearty goodbye. Anaheim owes us something for an NBA team. Even a bad one. How about this; the Kings go south to Anaheim..... and anyone with a Sacramento area address on their ID gets 20% off at Disneyland. Now, that's a deal! -Jobe
In Wednesday's Sacramento Bee there's a story (CLICK HERE) about the aging of our local suburbs. One tends to think of 'The Burbs' as the land of young kids playing softball and soccer and having endless backyard birthday parties.
Not so much now. As people are having fewer kids, waiting longer to have kids, and living longer themselves, the average age has steadily risen in our Sacramento suburbs.
The Bee lists the average age in Fair Oaks today as 45. In Carmichael, 42. I did some digging on my own and found that the average age in Davis to be 62. Elk Grove, 70. And the average in Granite Bay? 84, but you get a trophy wife you can keep.
Could someone pass me the Metamucil, please? -Jobe
After Governor Brown's initial budget cuts California is still about 12 billion dollars in the hole. That's a lot, almost as much as the University of California Regents make a month, so I was trying to think of ways we could help out and close that gap a bit. Here's a short list:
- A Mark & Brian salary cut. Let's face it, like the University of California Regents, they are vastly overpaid. They hardly get their money put away before the next money truck shows up with another load. Let them work for free for a while, and funnel the millions to the state kitty. This goes for news gal Kat Maudru, too. Rich as hell, all of them.
- Take away the cars and motorcycles from the Highway Patrol. Make them hitch-hike where they need to go. It's OK, they all have guns.
- A statewide cursing jar. Twenty-five cents anytime you curse, even if it is only a soft little 'damn.'Â Afternoon traffic alone should put us close to our goal.
- Finally, all classic rock stations have to kick n a grand every time they play a song by Foghat.
That's my short, first draft of a list. Perhaps you could add to it? -Jobe
Ignoring the NFL's trouble isn't helping. It is looking less and less likely that we'll have an NFL season this year, and I find myself wondering what I will do when the NFL withdrawal kicks In. I'm in my mid-50s, and I have been watching the National Football League all fall since I was 5 or 6. About a half century.
I suppose I can put a lot of myself into baseball, with a decent World Series and playoffs I could be occupied for half of the autumn. Certainly last year was wonderful with the Giants big finish. But what if it's the Yankees and Dodgers again?
There's college football. Sac State and UC Davis aren't interesting enough to follow, really, but maybe The Cal Bears could be fun. The Cal Bears make it onto TV up here, don't they? How about the Oregon Ducks? But damn! They all look like children. I want to watch MEN!
Pity my poor wife, putting with me this November and December, and pity the walls I'll be climbing. To the NFL and the players union: Damn you all! Split up your billions and get back to work! -Jobe
I'm not the least bit Irish, but yes, I am wearing green. It's easier than explaining 500 times today that I'm not Irish. I think most Americans pretend to be a little Irish for the same reason they pretend to be a little Native American; it's ever so slightly more interesting than the truth; "I'm a suburban mutt, I have no idea what my cultural heritage is." I always think of that when I hear, "I'm 1/16th Cherokee," or, "My great-grand father was half Irish." Bull.
I'm a Welsh-American. My ancestor who first came to America was named Andrew Job (the 'e' at the end of Jobe was added much later) from Fishguard, Wales. In 1650, he and his wife caught a ship for the area that is now the Pennsylvania/Maryland border. There were Quakers there, and Andy and Beth were Quakers. Then my family history reads like manifest destiny. Comes the revolution 125 years later, my line of Jobes is in Virginia. By the War Between The States we're in Tennessee. My great-grandfather, a Tennessee Volunteer, came west to Texas after the war, and we were cotton farmers there until my father's generation. I brought the Jobe line west to California.
The Jobes fought in every war from the French and Indian War through Afghanistan. Not me personally. I've protested every war that came up in my lifetime. I consider protest to be patriotism, too. But I'm not Irish, not even a little. Sorry. - Jobe
I want to use this space today to express my sorrow at the shooting of two Sikh gentlemen on the streets of Sacramento, in what is obviously a hate crime. This country we built is supposed to be one of freedom of religion, and no one should have to fear a gunman for the great sin of wearing a turban. There is movement in the state legislator to create a 'Sikh-California' day as a show of support, and I agree with this. I also urge our state government to crack down further on hate crimes and to increase gun control. The streets are for all of us, equally. No one should be gunned down for looking differently or praying differently from the majority. Even a minority of one should count - Jobe
Click this link to see my lovely, my dear, my precious. She has a sort of military beauty to her. I love her shade of green, a rare beauty. She looks loud, but I like that. I'd like to ride her all over this town, man. -Jobe
Ijust saw a new study that says 82% or American schoold could be labeled as 'failing.' At leastÂ they they think it's 82%; everyone agreed that math was hard and that they weren't sure how to do percentages. -Jobe
But it is. On this alone; Sarah Palin is pissed off that so-called comic Kathy Griffin is picking on Palin's kids... and she's right to be pissed off.
Sarah Palin is in the public eye; she's a free target for any kind of joke you want to do, and believe me, I've made as many Sarah Palin jokes as anyone. I find her politics simplistic and too far to the right, and her experience to be minimal. But her kids? I haven't said a word about them and I won't. Kathy Griffin has made them the punch line of her stand-up act time and time again. She even said that she 'wants to destroy' the 16 year old. Huh? Excuse me? That's just mean.
Kathy Griffin has no talent beyond cruelty, that's all she has ever had. And I'm afraid the former governor of Alaska is very right to call these shots at her kids cheap shots. They are just that, cheap.
I don't know about you, but I am sick to death of mean people. Kathy, lay off of people's kids. -Jobe
I was just over at msnbc.com reading an article on how gas, nationally, is up .33 a gallon. Ouch. My commute to The Eagle is a 50 mile roundtrip. It's not like public transit is much of an option. It can be done.... in 2 and a half hours each way. Jeez. Frankly, I think it's time for the President to freeze gas prices. Let the oil companies take the hit for a while. Nobody likes them anyway. -Jobe
CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE STORY.
Among the many cool prizes in The Eagle Club here at Eagle969.com are tickets to go see Rush in Concord in June. I'm a Rush fan, especially a Neil Peart fan, Rush's drummer. When Peart gets to crankin' it's like he has 4 freakin' arms. But today it's Geddy Lee, Mr. Helium Voice, that I want to talk about a little.
Geddy Lee likes to think he understands baseball at an expert level. Every year he makes predictions in the press; who will win the pennants, who will win the World Series. Like that. (I haven't heard if he has made his picks for 2011 yet. He will.) And he just..well, sucks. Last year Geddy picked Tampa to go all the way. Tampa! Of course, we know who won it all; our Giants.
Here's what I suggest. Cash in your eWards points for the Rush tickets and enjoy the fine rock concert... while wearing your Giants gear and holding up GIANTS REPEAT signs. What do you think? -Jobe
This is an odd one; a butt load of iguana meat has seized by authorities on the Texas border. That's right; iguana. The meat had been mixed with masa (corn dough), so the cops are thinking... somebody was going to EAT this stuff! I checked with Bob Keller, and he swears his Cafe Rock was not involved, and has never served iguana. Just fish heads. Anyway, PLEASE CLICK HERE to link over to the full story. -Jobe
The last remaining veteran of World War 1 has died. Frank Buckles, at 110 years of age, died at his home in West Virginia Sunday morning. The Americans in that war were called Doughboys, my grandfather was one, and Mr. Buckles was the last man standing from among them. In recent years he fought for to see to it that his comrades were honored with a monument on the National Mall, alongside memorials for veterans of World War II, Korea, and Vietnam.
After serving in World War 1, Buckles took employment as a ship's officer on merchant vessels. He was captured by the Japanese in the Philippines during World War II and held prisoner of war for more than three years before he was freed by U.S. troops. He seldom spoke of it, instead he spoke often of the need to remember the vets of WW1.
PLEASE CLICK HERE to link to the full story on the CNN site. -Jobe
This years Glastonbury festival, one the world's largest music festivals, will feature U2 as their headliner, backed up with Beyonce and Coldplay. The festival is held in Somerset, England, with the 2011 dates being June 24th-26th. That's just enough time to get our passports in order and put a third mortgage on the house to finance the trip! Let's do it!
Actually, U2 was set to headline last year, but that was when Bono hurt his back. This year, U2 will be here in the States on tour when Glastonbury comes around, and they'll have to hightail over there and back. Word is, they probably won't take their cool '360' stage to Glastonbury; it's just too difficult to move it there and back in those time constraints. That's OK. U2 puts on a fairly decent show on any stage, don't you think? -Jobe
The late night talk show hosts have been putting the screws to Charlie Sheen night after night lately. Because of Sheen's drunken escapades, everything gets turned into a Charlie Sheen joke. I must admit; I've told a couple myself. I heard Leno use the horrible situation in Libya as a set-up for a Sheen punchline. However, Sheen's latest drunken rant, on the radio no less, with its verbal cruelty towards the people Sheen works for --to the tune of over a million bucks an episode-- has shown what we are really dealing with here. Not a 'party' boy or a 'bad' boy. This man is a full-out alcoholic in mid-crisis. Charlie Sheen is crashing and burning right now, and even though he could buy and sell me, I feel bad for the guy. No more Sheen jokes on the graveyard shift at The Eagle, he isn't funny anymore. Indeed, a man with the talent shown in WALL STREET and PLATOON tossing his career and his life away is very sad. I'm going to say a prayer for the guy, that he finds sobriety before he kills himself, and just move on. - Jobe
Have you ever thought about being a hermit? Not just getting away from it, but never coming back? I am just anti-social enough that I have, and in my imagination, my hermitage is in a cabin in the redwoods, maybe Del Norte county. Just a few hours away from here. CNN sees it differently. Here's a fun little piece on 9 places to be 'a recluse.' Not quite a hermit. More like a hermit with room service and a fine cabernet. PLEASE CLICK HERE to link over to the (most excellent) CNN site. - Jobe
It is just me, or are the photos and news stories on the New Zealand earthquake just a bit more upsetting because the place looks just like here? My heart goes out to these people, and I'm sure yours does, too.
CLICK HERE to link over to the Red Cross donation page. Give a little, give a lot, Give whatever you can. This could easily be Los Angeles or San Francisco, and friend, one day it will be! How many of us have family in Los Angeles or San Francisco? I have family in both places.
Let's treat all earthquake victims like it was happening right here, so that when the day comes that is here, people will want to help us.
A prayer or two doesn't hurt, either. -JOBE
The headline over on the Golf.com site said it all: Woods falls short in Dubai with 3-over final round - Tiger tied for 20th place. 20th! Tom Nakashima shoots a better round than that! It's no secret that Tiger's game has been off since his sex scandal and divorce. How shocked the world was to find out that Tiger Woods wasn't perfect after all. He likes a few drinks and a cocktail waitress to bang. About 5 times a week. And then a pretty wife to go home to. Well... who wouldn't? And I think Tiger needs that life back! Let's find Tiger a pretty little wife, and about 15 hot, slutty cocktail nymphs and get him back in training! The outstanding golf we have come to expect could only a few motel clutchings away! -JOBE
Rocker Gary Moore from Thin Lizzy has died in in Spain. He was only 58.
CLICK HERE to link over to the news story on the very cool Irish Times site.
It's a sad thing, and as the musicians of the classic rock era enter their 60s and 70s, we can expect it more and more often.Â Ah, life!-Jobe
Thanks to everyone in attendance at another our The Eagle's invitation only Loyal Listener Party. The Eagle took over Brew It Up in downtown Sacramento Sunday with food, drinks, live music from Larisa Bryski and loads of prizes. Everyone seemed to have a grand time, the brews were frosty and rich, and Larisa and her band, including a new lead guitarist, kicked hiney! At various points in the afternoon I saw ALL of our DJs having fun, including our boss! Will we do it again? Oh, I think that's a given. And I hope to see you then. -Jobe
Former NFL and college great Herschel Walker turns 49 in March, but says he's in shape to play in the NFL again. In fact, as a current MMA fighter, he's absolutely in better shape than ever in his life; the dude is ripped. Herschel seems to have a darn fine attitude, too. God, I hope someone picks him up! What fun! CLICK HERE to link to the story on the MSN/Fox sports site. -Jobe
A weird story. A woman in Argentina survives a 23 story fall by landing on a taxi cab roof. It looks like she jumped on purpose, which is sad. Plus it was already tough to get a taxi in Buenos Aires. CLICK HERE for the story on very fine BBC site. -Jobe
In all our time together, have I ever led you astray? Nay, Eagle listener, I have not. And I shall not now. For lo! I have searched and I have found The Truth.... which is a hi-tech toilet for 7grand. Click Here and link over to the feature story on the very fine MSNBC site. Forsooth! - Jobe
Tom's latest video is for the song, DON'T PULL ME OVER. I like it. It's not a hard rocker, but Mike Campbell's lead guitar is very tasty.PLEASE CLICK HEREto link over to the video on Tom Petty's official website. -Jobe
Well, it's happened. The Maloofs said it out loud, yes, they actually would consider moving the Sacramento Kings somewhere else. A decade ago, I would have cared. Now, all they are is the worst, bar none, the worst team in the NBA. They are actually an embarassment to Sacramento, not an enhancement. If Las Vegas or Anaheim wants them, I say adios! The great rivalry with the Los Angeles Lakers is a thing of the past, gone with the sell-out crowds at Arco Arena, their primitive stadium that Sacramento is not going to replace. Why finsih the season, fellas? Take off right now if you want. The most notice you'll get is a punch line from Jay Leno or David Lettermen. And close the door when you leave, please. -JobeÂ
Maybe you've heard, Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy magazine and all around swell guy, got engaged over the holiday weekend. Hef is 84 yers old, and his blushing, innocent bride to be, Crystal Harris, is 24. This will be Hef's third marriage, his first was in 1949... the year MY parents got married! How does a rich, really old man meet a young darling like Ms. Harris? Probably he just opened up his wallet one day and there she was. Oh well, Merry Christmas, Hugh. Take the little blue pill, and remember; if Little Hugh is 'alert' for more than 4 hours, see a doctor. I hope you already saw a lawyer. -Jobe
Who doesn't remember John Lennon and Yoko Ono's 1970 anti-war statement? At the height of the fighting in Vietnam, these posters appeared as billboards in key cities around the world. The tag line 'if you want' confused a lot of people, but what John and Yoko were saying is that it is an individual choice to be made, we each can choose to live a life without violence, to put war behind us.
And, luckily, they're saying it again. 40 years later, Yoko Ono has put these posters up for free download at her site ImaginePeace.com. Plus they're available in many different languages.
CLICK HERE TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE DOWNLOAD PAGE.
You can think what you want about Yoko; Dragon Lady, she broke up The Beatles (not true), she has sold every napkin John Lennon ever scribbled on (maybe true), whatever, but she has never wavered on speaking out for peace and against war -- any war. Like John Lennon, she advocates non-violence.
How nice to remember at Christmas. Peace.
We've all had one, some of us have had several; hideously ugly Christmas sweaters. Maybe there was a goofy Santa waving hello on the front, or a full Christmas tree with lights and everything. You would never be caught dead in it, but your Grannie sent it and she wants a photo of you in it. My own wife was one of these ugly Christmas sweaters givers until I begged her to stop. "But they're CUTE!" No, my goofy little love, they aren't. They suck. Take a peek at The Ugly Christmas Sweater Shop for reassurance. PLEASE CLICK HERE.
We all have taken them; those goofball Christmas shots that we wish would just go away, but Aunt Alvina has them and insists on showing them year after year. The Huffington Post has gathered 20 classic ones for your amusement.
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK OVER
Very cool: 250 skiing Santas were dashing through the snow at a Maine ski resort over the weekend.
Yep, 250 skiers and snowboarders signed up for its 11th annual Santa Sunday event, with registration filling up in 12 minutes.
Skiers got a free lift ticket if they came dressed as Santa and donated $10 or more to a local Rotary Club's annual drive to provide gifts for the area's children in need. They also got an additional lift ticket valid through Dec. 18. Everybody wins when people come together to do something good, something kind.
I prefer to get my news from overseas. Having worked in American media, I tend to not trust it. (Don't forget, that idiot Limbaugh got started right here in River City, kids.) One of my favorite sites is the Guardian news site over in the United Kingdom. This morning I saw this on their site:
Once again The Eagle undertakes its yearly adventure into alphabetized classic rock with our 'Essential Classic Rock A to Z.' From a DJ's point of view, it's a heckuva lot of fun. Perhaps you've realized that there is no new classic rock. Oh sure, once in a while a cool new live version of something comes out, but mostly, new music is one thing, and classic rock is another. And as such, we have people who work very hard at the day to day details, like making sure this song doesn't come up next to that song too often. Computers help, but in the end, we all are very concerned with the music. When we do the the yearly A to Z the songs fall only alphabetically, so an old folk-rock song by The Byrds might be next to an 80s song of mostly synthesizers. A political song next to an aching love song, so that your emotions are jerked first this way and then that way. For us, it's a wild ride, and we enjoy taking that ride with you. Once a year. I hope you enjoy the next few days. I know I will!Â -Jobe
We are getting closer to the day when Jerry Brown takes over the governor's office from Arnold Schwarzenegger. Being a weirded-out late night classic rock DJ, I am not exactly sure which day it is, but I know it's almost here. Now, even if you voted against Jerry Brown, there is an 'up' side to this. We now have a much better chance of getting a new Terminator movie. Hell yeah. -Jobe
The album that John Lennon autographed for Mark David Chapman just hours before Chapman shot him 5 times is up for sale. It is expected to go for around $850,000. You know, I'm glad we live in a free country when a person is allowed to make a profit, I'm glad we can sell and own property. Then why does this news item make me feel sick to my stomach? It could be because it is so close to Christmas, and the sale seems so cold blooded and impersonal. It could be because we are so close the 30th anniversary of the murder. But it isn't. I feel icky about this because John Lennon stood for something; honesty in art and music, non-violence, and being accepting of people who are different from yourself. And when he was shot down without mercy our belief in those things was also wounded. The bullets that cut down John Lennon hurt each one of us. And it feels a little like profit is being made from that.
WikiLeak has once again released hundreds of secret government papers. Most of them are quite dull and have to do with things like where to send Guantanamo prisoners and how to deal with Iran's nukes. But there were some 'fun' items. Among my favorites:
--Former Vice President Dick Cheney can dance a mean polka, and often does.
--Both former Presidents Bush believe they can control college football games with their minds. Especially Texas A&M, for some reason.
--Secretary of State Hillary Clinton likes to dress up as Dorothy from The Wizard Of Oz and sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Former President Clinton likes her to dress as Dorothy also, but for other reasons than singing.
And we have a right to know. - Jobe
Coming to your neighborhood soon! The high tech multi-lane traffic signals that the City of Sacramento ordered from Munich, Germany, have finally arrived. The first is being installed Monday morning during commute time at Fair Oaks BLVD and Howe AVE. Keep your eyes on your light! -Jobe
Paris Hilton did indeed show up for her community service --part of her sentence for having some cocaine in her purse--but she did turn some heads by showing up in four inch high heels. Her chore? To paint over some Los Angeles graffiti.
Paris did not break faith; she got her work done. But I ask you, what kind of weak thinking is this? It's thinking like this that always messes California up!
If you have an attractive celebrity whose main claim to fame is a sex tape, you don't want her painting, man. You want her PANTING. Think of what a PARIS HILTON BIKINI CAR WASH could do for a local food bank. C'mon, LA. Wake up down there.
Folk singer Joan Baez, Bob Dylan's girlfriend and performing partner many years ago, has suffered a fall. I hope you join me in wishing her well.
Joan is 69 now. A fall is a bad thing! She lives in Woodside, California, and had a tree house built in an oak tree in her back yard. 20 feet up. This tree house has no walls, it is more like a really big platform up there. Why? Joan Baez likes to sleep with the birds. Literally.
Anyway, she fell off. A 20 foot drop for a woman almost 70, poor old dear. The hospital didn't tell the press much: treated and released.
Joan Baez has the voice of an angel, and when she was young and her career was in bloom, she used her talent and her voice to speak for things that were of value, like peace, racial equality. and doing away with nuclear bombs. Here's wishing her a speedy recovery, and a return to her birds.
Jerry Brown won the election, and is now busy looking for a place to stay in Sacramento. You may recall, when he first was governor back in the 1970s, he just rented a little apartment and drove himself in a regular car. Jerry's married now, and has a mansion in the East Bay, but it is too far too commute. Out-going governor Schwarzenegger never really settled in. Sometimes he would fly home to Santa Monica in a private jet, sometimes he would crash at the Marriott. A mistake. You can never fit in here without really living here.
I'm hoping the new governor opts for fun Rio Linda. Never stuffy, Rio Linda is a place where you can leave a car or two up on blocks in the yard, wear a tank top to a wedding, and if your cousin is also your half-brother, no one cares too much. Fine dining? In Rio Linda there is no meat unworthy of being cooked on a grill or a spit, and many creatures can be picked up right on Rio Linda's own roads and lanes. Mmm, wolverine tonight kids!
Welcome back, Governor Moonbeam! Live among us! Would you like a leg? Would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?
Just over a week to go until Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part One opens in America. Being a British movie, it has already opened in the United Kingdom, complete with the re-carpet treatment for the London opening.
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO PHOTOS FROM THE LONDON DEBUT
It's been a long haul since that first novel came out, way back when. My youngest son, Willie (after Mays & McCovey), was then at the age where a good father reads to his child at night, and so we embarked on the Harry Potter journey together. I read the first five novels out loud, by number six he was too big, and wouldn't let me read them out loud to him anymore. He read number six on his own, mostly at my urging, and I don't think he ever cracked open the seventh, The Deathly Hallows. Willie is in college now, so I suppose I'll go see this flick without him. Pity, that.
I continued on with Harry Potter. A couple of years after the seventh novel, I read them all again one summer, just for the hell of it. I own all the DVDs. I suppose I'm a nerd. I miss both my son and Harry, and I doubt that Willie will be on the big screen anytime soon.
I hope youâll join me on Friday, November 19th, 7-9pm for a poetry reading for peace. The Poets Against the War Reading will be at The Breathe Bldg., 12th/I Sts., Sac. (909 12th St. #118).
This was organized by Frank Graham, Poets Against War and sponsored by the local chapter of Peace Action, Sacramento Area Peace Action.
Poets who will read poems of peace and social justice include me (James Lee Jobe from 96.9 The Eagle) and Francisco AlarÃ§on from UC Davis. Also, James DenBoer, Frances Kakugawa, Susan Kelly-deWitt, Lawrence Dinkins, Jr., Julia Levine, Taylor Graham, Bob Stanley, Patrick Grizzell, Jennifer Pickering. Free; donations encouraged.
Any questions? Shoot me at email: firstname.lastname@example.org
At dawn I walk to the dell and watch the sun rise up through the pine trees and the autumn oaks, and it is still beautiful, even though I have watched the sun rise here on many, many mornings. And I am thankful for this.
When I win in this life it is usually in the small things, not the big ones. I never win the race or the election, and I never get the trophy, but I do have another sunrise through the autumn oaks in the dell, a sharp moon over a cold valley, and a wind that was born on the ocean to take wispy clouds across the picture window of the sky. And I am thankful for this.
I put no stock in the past or the future; one is nothing more than memory, the other is speculation. But today, that's something to believe in! The morning is full and I'm alive! I can feel the treasures of my breath, I can feel my heart still beating in this old chest, and all around me is the music that comes from living. And I'm thankful for that, too.
Congrats to the 2010 San Francisco Giants, and how sweet it is to type this out, the champions of the world. This is sweet. Never in their San Francisco years had the Giants won it all, not since 5years before the 1959 move west. This is for the patient faithful. This is for Mays & McCovey, the Two Willies. This is for the nights I froze my butt off in the bleachers on half price beer night. This is all my Texas relatives who were riding my tail leading up to the series. By game two, they were all quiet. And finally, from my heart, this is for my wife, who had the decency to be somewhere else Monday evening and not mess this up for me with a lot of yacking and complaining and talking about our damn feelings. Thanks, Hon.
The New York Post reports that Charlie Sheen has returned to LA, with hookers and so much cocaine that his friends are worried "he'll die this week." Meanwhile, Sheen's bosses at "Two and a Half Men" have been "quietly thrilled" with the attention, hoping it will send young viewers flocking to the show, so says the Post.
What says more about our culture, that the #1 movie in America is Saw 3D, or that the movie it replaced at #1 is Jackass 3D? 300 million people and what do we like? Graphic violence and the lowest of lowbrow humor.
After reportedly having Mel Gibson ousted from "The Hangover 2," the bearded comedic actor Zach Galifianakis got high on HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" Friday when he lit up a joint while talking about marijuana legalization. During a discussion of Proposition 19 in California, a controversial ballot proposing the legalization of some marijuana activity, whichÂ comes to a vote on Tuesday, Galifianakis said he thought politicians were staying away from the issue because pot smoking is still seen as "taboo." The "Hangover" star then whipped out a joint and lit up, sending the audience into hysterics while Maher and the other guests sat stunned.
The 49ers win a game with Smith at quarterback, but not Alex Smith. rookie Troy Smith completed 12 of 19 passes for 196 yards and a touchdown, and he ran for another touchdown. Since this only our 2nd stinking win all season, I say, let's keep THIS Smith.
The election is Tuesday. Jerry Brown and Barbara Boxer are looking good, legal pot isn't. 2 out of three ain't bad.
3 o'clock in the morning. I can't sleep, and even though it is my night off, I can't sleep. I'm sitting on a bench, tucked away in a corner of the big park across the street from my house. The park is silent and cool, like a river stone. I come here often when I can't sleep. Just for a little while. No one will bother me, not even the police, even though the park closes at sunset. Why should they bother me? A middle-aged man in pajamas, slippers, and a big bathrobe, watching the stars and the moon.Sometimes I even nod off for a few minutes, right there on the bench. That happens to insomniacs, you know; 45 seconds of sleep here, a minute and a half there.
This night, a friendly field mouse emerges from the perfect grass of the soccer field, marches right up to me, and speaks.
"Beg pardon, sir? You could save me a lot of work if you would look in the rubbish bin for me. Would you, please? I eat almost anything."
Looking in, I tell him, "You're in luck! Here's some french fries and most of a hot dog."
"Excellent! Oh, thank you! Could you set them in the grass, please?"
"Do you check these bins every night?"
"No, but you look like a friendly guy, and it is very late, almost sunrise! I have less time for searching. Plus that owl might be about."
"Do mice ever have insomnia?"
"Nah. We sleep late, very late, and have extra little mousy dreams."
How sweet, I thought later, while staring at my ceiling; a field mouse telling an insomniac about sleeping late. Mice can be cheeky like that.
My father could fish all night. He would pour Jack Daniels into strong campfire coffee, and sing along with old country songs on the radio, usually WBAP out of Fort Worth. He could talk for hours, long stories of his life and failures, women heâd loved, or at least liked a little, odd bits of fisherman lore, politics. He thought marijuana should be legal and all farming should be organic. It just seemed more 'country' to him. He believed that a man needed both a wife and a girlfriend, and it was OK if the girlfriend was someone elseâs wife. Dad was certain that Western Wear was the only way to dress. He knew how to read the stars and he only fished at night when the moon was full or new. I was quiet, and sipped beer all night listening to him go on. My father, the other James Jobe. The war veteran. Marriage wrecker. Poker player. I fried the fish he caught and we ate until we were stuffed. If Hank Williams or Merle Travis or Bob Wills came on the radio, we would both stop to sing, arms around each otherâs shoulder, drunk and happy under the East Texas stars. Long ago.
I must say, I'm a bit disappointed. The lizard? Those cute little guys who dart across the trail when I hike? That doesn't exactly put the fear of god in me. But I do have an idea or two, let's say, for future Spiderman villians.
RADIO SALES MAN. He overwhelms you with pointless facts about 25-54 year olds who do or don't like Eddie Money songs in the morning as opposed to the chatter or two self-absorbed goofballs, and how all this sells your product to the 'right' clients.
DISC JOCKEY MAN. He knows even more trivia than Radio Sales Man. Like who played 2nd guitar on the one chart hit by Bloodrock. He knows Regis Philbin's birthday, and what years Ford Motor Company maufactured the Edsel.
NEWS GAL. She never tells you a news story, ever. Just headlines, teases, and once in a while a "here's something odd" story. She never mentions the wars or last night's ball game.
REQUEST BOY. He will call you over and over for 'some' Lynyrd Skynyrd, or specifically 'some' Free Bird, even though the world must want a break from the damn song.
You've got the idea! Who are the villians in your life? Can they whup up on Spidey? NOISY GARAGE TRUCK MAN. CONFUSED MAIL PERSON. (Etc.)
I'm always trying to come up that one idea that make me rich. Never forget, the concept for TV's What's My Line was thought up by two guys at a happy hour, and written down on a napkin.
These days, reality shows are in a growth mode, both network and independent. I mean, if Ice Road Truckers has an audience, then there is probably an audience that would watch water boil. Here are some of my ideas.
CAVE-IN. Lesser and former celebrities are mixed with current celebrities trapped inÂ a mine in Chile, with every moment on camera. Danny Bonaduce, Queen Latifah. Scotty Baio. Lindsay Lohan. Hosted by Gilbert Gottfried.
STUMBLING WITH THE STARS. Works like Dancing With The Stars, but with tequila shooters every 5 minutes, including two to start the show.
HUMPING DeVITO. The leading men of various network shows compete with each other at humping Danny DeVito over a big hill in a wheelbarrow. DeVito is miked at all times. Imagine CSI Miami versus Law & Order SVU.
LOSER-BIO. Every week the career of a failed celebrity is highlighted. Different opinions on what went wrong, an update on what the former celeb is now doing, how they could have done better, what drugs were involved, and what a disappointment they are to their families, etc.
STRAIGHT OJ. Get scared straight by OJ Simpson for 30 minutes every week. Uncensored discussions on losing your booty in jail.
Well, it's possible that none of those is my breakout hit, but I'll keep working at it.
Aww. A newly born orangutan baby rests on its mother is the new attraction for visitors at the zoo in Duisburg, Germany. The little daughter of mother Amatis was born two weeks ago and has no name so far. She is the 50th orangutan, born at the zoo Duisburg in more than 50 years. Thatâs pretty good. Once I sent an email to our GM here at The Eagle suggesting we train monkeys for certain jobs. His response was a little joke about the Sales Dept.
Even on nights when I am not doing the graveyard shift on The Eagle, sleep eludes me. Often. Usually, even.
In my herb garden, which is hidden from the street, sits a little white bench facing a statue of a smiling Buddha with his fat arms raised high to heaven. 2 am, 3 am, 4 am often find me sitting sleepless on that bench, watching the moon through the fronds of my palm tree as she scoots across the starlit sky.
Sometimes my neighbor's dog will come and join me, and sit on the other side of the fence from me for a while, just a few feet away. We can't see each other but I can hear him walk when he walks up, I can hear him breathe.
Neither of us speak; it's religious moment, and I'm sure he feels the power of the night as well as I do. The plants, the earth. The moon and stars, the sky. The Buddha. And we, the animals, with out hearts bare, and our souls open. Awake.
The San Francisco Giants are returning to the National League Championship Series for the firstÂ time since the Barry Bonds era, and congratulations are in order.
All season long, through the rigors of training camp, to the uncertainties of the exhibition season, throughout the long ups and downs of baseball's endless regular season, and through this first victorious playoff series with Atlanta, one man and one man only has stood tall without fail for the Giants. And that man is Eagle disc jockey Tom Nakashima.
Every game, Tom Nakashima has been glued to that televison in that sits in my production studio and faces out through the window between us, into the Eagle on-air studio. Even when it was a day game and Bob Keller was really on the air. Tom told every Giants pitcher what pitch was needed next, and where to place it. He has instructed every Giants batter when their pitch was coming and when it was not. And he was invariably right.
Tom has suffered through the ups and downs of Barry Zito's good and bad games, through Tim Lincecum's late summer swoon, and he struggled with the Giant's general lack of hitting all season long. And friends, Tom was ever-faithful, ever-dedicated, and always there when the team needed him most. Which is pretty much all the time. Telling them what to do. Leading.
And now that Tommy has guided the Giants back to where they belong; I salute him, and offer my heartfelt congratulations. Well done, Tom Nakashima. Congratulations on an excellent --so far-- season.
Steven Tyler of Aerosmith becomes a judge on American Idol on season #10. The network is thinking of issuing a limit on how many scarves Tyler can have onstage at any one time. Seriously, is this a rock n roll move? It's like Elvis getting hired on by Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour. Make another record, you skinny weirdo. We want rock n roll.
Sacha Baron Cohen is set to play Freddie Mercury in a Queen biopic. This makes sense. Cohen has the talent, sings, and is crazy as hell. You can't play Freddie without being a little wild, man. Plus, he works hard. Remember when Borat came out? Cohen did interviews and guest spots day after day in character as Borat. How you like to be interviewed by Regis Philbin live on TV in character. Cohen has a brass pair. He is The Man.
A deluxe remastered BAND ON THE RUN, by Paul McCartney and Wings. Extra materiel, of course. Everyone knows you get to re-do these great albums twice, to cash in on your best work. Unless you're Yoko Ono, then you get to do it over and over until the sun itself hates the sight of you.
Green Day producer Rob Cavallo took over Warner Brothers Records with the orders, Find New Talent. Expect some slammin' rock n roll, man.
Eric Clapton has announced a world tour next year, 4 continents. Remember when he retired 7 or 8 years ago? I mean he announced it pretty literally, "No more world tours." Liar.
George Michael was sentenced to 8 weeks in the slammer for getting high on weed, falling asleep, and slamming his car into a bunch of stuff. For the third time. Word is, Paul McCartney wrote him a letter remembering his own jailtime for weed in Japan. I wonder if he told him, Don't Drop The Soap?
All morning long I kept seeing ghosts, not frightening spirits at all, but very nice, caring things. The little girl who floated a couple of feet above the street when I brought in the newspaper at 5 AM. A pretty lady of 40 or so, blond, who stroked my face at dawn as I sat writing at my dining room table, she looked a little worried about me, and smiled brightly when I thanked her. A Victorian lady in my car who seemed quite pleased with my driving skills, laughing out loud and saying, "My, my," quite clearly when I passed a big rig on I-80. A young man with a thick mustache and a wool sweater who learned over me at here work, telling me something serious in a soft, encouraging voice that I just could not understand. A man in my recording studio and another in the kitchen, watching me, but with smiles and nods. Both of them faded quickly away when I would turn more fully toward them. Some of these ghosts wore modern clothes, and some had clothes from eras long gone. They all seemed to be pulling for me, like team-mates, urging me on. Not ghouls, not tormented, but kind beings who longed for a little human contact. Is that too much to ask? I don't think so. "You don't have to go," I said aloud, in the long hall outside the conference room at work, "I like having you around. You don't scare me at all." Silence, then from down the hall; "Uh-oh. Jobe is losing it. He's talking to himself again." ... I understand, my friends. We'll just keep this between us.
Eagle overnight DJ James Lee Jobe was so excited by the 2 hit shutout pitched by Giants ace Tim Lincecum to win game one of the Giants-Braves playoff series, that he announced he is having Lincecum's love child. "It's a little early to be specific," said Jobe, "but my people have contacted his people and a negotiation is underway. Right this minute, I totally love the guy." In the meantime Jobe encourages everyone to root for the Giants in game two.Â -Jobe
THE PRINCE OF BALTIMORE HARBOR
Just living on this earth seemed like an adventure back then. I was an eight year old warrior, just a little undersized, that's all. The sky over the harbor was as big as a galaxy to me, or a battlefield, steel-gray most of the time and humid. The tugboats were little warriors like me, always wrestling the big, clumsy ships into their allotted spaces, where good union longshoremen like my Uncle Mac, all Democrats, waited to load or unload them. School? I think not!
I had lunch money and two bus-fares for school. I would get on the #2 Towson streetcar and go the other way, downtown. It was a magical ride down Pratt Street where my mother had grown up, and which was at that time a total slum. Boarded up windows. Gangs. This was my first look at winos and junkies. God, I felt brave!
Downtown, I'd find a Baltimore Sun newspaper rack with no one watching, put a dime in, and take every paper, just clean it out, a brazen little thief with no remorse at all. Then I would go in and out of the old longshoremen dive bars, now all gone, and hawk the papers like an oldtime newsboy.
"Get your Baltimore Sun! Orioles sweep the Yankees in New York!"
"President Johnson sends more advisors to Vietnam!"
It felt wonderful, like the the 1920s, to me. Early morning drunks would buy papers off of me for 50 cents or a dollar - "Aww, keep it, Kid." And the bartenders with their sleeves rolled up would laugh and look the other way. Sometimes one would pour me a Coca-cola and let me sit at the bar with the men! By 9 or 10 am I would have enough money for a pack of Lucky Strikes, a polish-dog with kraut and fries and a soda for lunch, or even a movie if I felt like it.
More often though, I would watch the tugboats from this one rooftop on South Howard Street where no one watched the service elevator, blowing smoke rings at the steel-gray sky. I owned the harbor! The Chesapeake Bay was my kingdom! I'd walk over to Baltimore Street like a little king! I was on Parade! I always tipped my ballcap to the hookers on Baltimore down past Light Street, pleased with myself when they would make over me.
"Oh, you pretty little white boy, come give Momma a kiss.'
AndÂ I always would. After all, I was the prince of the waterfront, the prince of Baltimore harbor, and my mother never caught me, not once.
Folks, this is the face of a hero. Victor Perez of Fresno rescued the little girl from this weeks Amber Alert. He saved her, man! Click the link and enjoy the story of a real American hero. I just wish he was wearing a Giants hat. CLICK FOR STORY, INCLUDING VIDEO. -Jobe
41 sexual acts; that's what we're up to, according the new study by the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. Respected British journalist Jon Henley interprets the study for a British audience on the Guardian website, which is one of the UK's best sites for news.
By the way, I can think of at least 62 sexual acts, and I'm sure you Eagle listeners can do better as well. Ah! California! -Jobe
I was in the Nugget grocery Sunday when the Giants won their division (on the LAST game of the regular season). A guy announced it on the overhead PA system and the whole store cheered. It was a warm & fuzzy moment, you know? Then the guy in front of me in the checkout line and turned to me and said, "Now we have about a week, week and a halfÂ until they break our hearts." Man. Some people are cynics. Go Giants! -Jobe
It's nice to have some form of pro football back in Sacramento, and I am enjoying our Sacramento Mountain Lions of the UFL. Very cool. There is one problem, though, a personal one. Denzel Washington, one of America's finest actors of all time, has a son who plays for the team. And that's a problem for you, you ask?
Well, yes. Ever since the TV show St. Elsewhere became a hit in the early 1980s, people have been stopping me on the street, asking for Denzel Washington's autograph. Whenever he has a new movie come out it starts over again. This weekend Washington was in town for his son's first home game, and I've had 5 people ask for autographs, including the checkout girl at Nugget Market, who has been checking me out for ten years.
"Please, Mr. Washington, I'm a HUGE fan, I've seen all your movies!"
"I'm James Jobe, I'm sorry. I'm not Denzel Washington."
"I get it, I'm talking too loud. A famous guy like you doesn't a crowd following him around everywhere." Her voice lowers to a whisper. "Training Day and and Glory especially."
"Judy, I've been shopping here since this place opened. I'm James Lee Jobe from The Eagle radio station. You know my wife, my kids."
"Well, any of the movies where you're sort of an 'angry' guy, and you do that thing with your lips. GOD, that's hot."
"Can I just pay for my groceries?"
"Sure. Mr. Movie Star. Doesn't have time for the people who BUY the movie tickets."
Thirty years of various takes on that scenario. Now, mind you, I'm not blind. I can see a certain Jobe-like strength in Washington's face, and yes, we are both blessed with rugged jaws and steely stares, but can't you all see the one glaring difference between Denzel Washington and myself? ... I'm at least 2 inches taller!
Have you heard? Now the government of Japan is picking on Paris Hilton. Paris can't enter Japan because of the little tiny bit of coke found in her purse recently. Why, it was no more than a little wake-me-up! Poor Paris! Why does the world beat her up so?Â Anytime she is in the news my wife verbally assaults her, saying things that a court might call slander. I always try to calm her down, explaining that Paris is really just a simple and sweet young lady, picked on by the press and by law enforcement everywhere. I am convinced that this is so having seen her home movies, which if nothing else, certainly show her incredible vulnerability. Lighten up on Paris, people! Just step back and let her grow and flourish. You'll see. Paris Hilton will make you proud one day.
Man, where can you feel safe anymore? There you are, in a business with a pretty good reputation, and bedbugs getcha! And you're not even in bed. That's what happened in New York, in the Great Mother of all Nike stores. Nike closed the store down for a while, while they clean it out, you know.
Here's the link to the story on the BBC site: CLICK HERE.
Thing is, here in California, there's been some hotels and motels with the same problem, and it doesn't seem to have anything to do with how expensive the place is. It's happened to dumps and really nice places alike. That leads me to think one thing: it's the people who are funky, beginning some bugs in with them.
Travelling? Take bug repellent with you. Spray down your room and especially your bed. You may feel like a dork, but you won't be digging and scratching like the diseased.
I've done a lot of hiking in Northern California, and several times I have come across rattlesnakes. Actually, they're my favorite snake. Listen, not too many Wild Things actually give you a warning, man. I appreciate that. And I always bug out and let the snake keep the space. Recently, El Dorado Irrigation employee Jim Sadler came across an 8 foot rattlesnake. And not in the wild, it was in suburban Cameron Park.
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE STORY (The Auburn Journal website)
Enjoy the story. And watch your step.
Having a vacation at home in your 50s is a useful thing; it gives you a glimpse of what your old-age will be like. Today is day number four of nine days of stay-cation, and I am hoping someone shoots me soon. Maybe I'll go drive around Del Paso Heights later.
Today, according to the list my wife left for me, I am clean the bird cages, water the entire property now that the heat wave is over, clean the fish tank (perhaps the worst of the lot as I never wanted the nasty fish to begin with), and clean and dispose of the tortoise tank now that our old tortoise has 'crossed over.' And friend, that's just today!
If I retire, my wife will work me to death. I can see clearly that I must always work in order to avoid messier work. I mean, would you rather clean a fish tank or play a block of Tom Petty songs? Tough choice. Not. Thank you, Stay-cation, for showing me the future!
Sponsored by the Downtown Davis Business Association, Armadillo Music, and the Cultural Action Committee of the City of Davis
First Prize: $200
Second Prize: $100
Third Prize $50
All poems submitted will be considered for publication in The Blue Moon Literary and Art Review
Submissions must be emailed or postmarked by September 21st, 2010
Emailed entries should be sent to: email@example.com
Paper entries can be sent to 521 1st Street, Davis, CA, 95616
There is no entrance fee, though you should submit only your best work.
The Cultural Action Committee of Davis and the John Natsoulas Center for the Arts are proud to announce a poetic tribute to the reluctant leader of the Beats, Jack Kerouac with the Jack Kerouac Poetry Prize. In a contest to be judged by Beat icon Michael McClure (see below), poems emulating the spirit of the Beat Generation will be chosen for cash awards, for publication in The Blue Moon Literary and Art Review, and for public performance with live jazz at the annual Davis Jazz and Beat Festival.
This year the contest will be judged by a key member of the beat generation, Michael McClure. McClureâs first book of poetry, Passage, was published in 1956. His poetry is heavily infused with an awareness of nature, especially in the animal consciousness that often lies dormant in mankind. Not only do they contain an awareness of nature, but the poems are organized in an organic fashion, continuing with his appreciation of natureâs purity. Stan Brakhage, friend of McClure, stated in Chicago Review that, "McClure always, and more and more as he grows older, gives his reader access to the verbal impulses of his whole bodyâs thought (as distinct from simply and only brain-think, as it is with most who write). He invents a form for the cellular messages of his, a form which will feel as if it were organic on the page; and he sticks with it across his lifeâ¦"
McClure has since published eight books of plays and four collections of essays, including essays on Bob Dylan and the environment. His fourteen books of poetry include Jaguar Skies, Dark Brown, Huge Dreams, Rebel Lions, Rain Mirror and Plum Stones. McClure famously read selections of his Ghost Tantra poetry series to the caged lions in the San Francisco Zoo. His work as a novelist includes the autobiographical The Mad Cub and The Adept. On January 14, 1967, McClure read at the epochal Human Be-In event in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco and transcended his Beat label to become an important member of the 1960s Hippie counterculture. Barry Miles famously referred to McClure as "the Prince of the San Francisco Scene". McClureâs journalism has been featured in Rolling Stone,Vanity Fair,The L.A. Times and The San Francisco Chronicle. He has received numerous awards, including a Guggenheim Fellowship, an Obie Award for Best Play, an NEA grant, the Alfred Jarry Award and a Rockefeller grant for playwriting. McClure is still active as a poet, essayist and playwright and lives with his second wife, Amy, in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Hi Campers. On Friday, Sept. 17th, I'll be giving a poetry reading at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Davis, California. This is a free event, from 7:30pm to 9:30pm, in the church library. (This poetry series is given space by the church, it isn't a 'church' poetry reading.) Another longtime Davis writer, Ann Privateer will read with me. This totally free, though I will have my fourth collection of poetry for sale; WHAT GOD SAID WHEN SHE FINALLY ANSWERED ME, Rattlesnake Press. -Jobe
James Lee Jobe
Tell me, brother,
does her hair still
smell of almonds?
Do you breathe in
the scent of her hair
when you slowly
kiss her neck?
And her skin?
Fragrant and soft
from some exotic lotion
that she will never
And tell me, brother,
are her lips
not the blooms
and greens of spring?
Is her smile not a sunrise
worthy of prayer?
And tell her,
brother, how you
longed for her.
Tell her how
you need her close,
and then whisper
love to her.
Place your forehead
to hers and say the word,
that you are
Pull her body
until her heartbeat
she kisses you,
silently thank God
that you are alive.
Every new day
is a new friend,
with your head high,
for her love goes
where you do.
is your angel,
And your love
keeps the wolf
from her door,
Stand by her,
in all things,
at all times.
And may this love
keep you both
when the night is long,
and the darkness
What we have here is a sweet little article over on the Worldwide Hippies Â site that says, yeah, they're fat. Roly Poly. Tons O'Fun. When you follow the link you getÂ a zillion fat cop photos, too. Some are eating. Can't catch me, copper! -Jobe
This is a link to a story on the Newsweek site. It is very eye-opening, and heartbreaking to think of people still suffering from this hurricane after 5 long years. Also, this story hints at the homelessness that is so rampant in America, with the number of homeless Americans growing every day.
PLEASE CLICK HERE TO LINK TO THE STORYÂ
Have you noticed those folks on the corner of 16th and L streets downtown, protesting our never-ending wars? Or the ones at Alhambra and K? Have you found yourself thinking you wish you had time to pull over and join them for a while? Maybe the idea of standing up for peace and non-violence sounds pretty good to you....
Stop by website of the Sacramento Area Peace Action <http://www.sacpeace.org/> for an online newsletter and a complete calendar of events so you can plan ahead.
Peace, out. -Jobe
This is not an endorsement.
Friday, State Attorney General Jerry Brown filed documents in a federal court asking that same-sex marriages be allowed to go forward. Brown claims, and I agree, that the evidence is overwhelming that Prop 8 is unconstitutional. And the current governor, though a conservative and usually clueless, agrees.
Here's the link to the story from the San Francisco Chronicle: please click here.
And of course, Brown is also running for governor and will need every liberal vote to prevent California from having yet another millionaire governor with absolutely no experience.
Jerry Brown was governor when I moved to California, and I supported him. I found him honest and unpretentious after the idiot administrations in Texas I had lived through. And I like this move, too.
It's true. No matter what any of you think of gay marriage, our constitution already says everyone has the same rights. Not some of the same rights, but the same. Every higher court is going to shoot down Prop 8 for what it is; an illegal law. And besides that, man, it's mean. It's just mean! It's time to lay down another prejudice. Let's just do it and move on.
OK, maybe it is an endorsement. I want the next governor of California to have a heart. -Jobe (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Howdy, Campers. Just a quick link today. Check out this very small British piece on one crazy looking, but very practical, electric bike. CLICK HERE.
This is the Yike Bike. (Yow!)
I will also mention that one needs no special license or anything here in California to ride an electric bike. -Jobe
TheÂ elliptical bike:
Friends, I'm always on the lookout for a new way to commute, and technically, there's nothing new about bicycle commuting.... but get a load of this bike! It's an elliptical bike, which means you ride standing up. The brand name here is ElliptiGO, click here to link to their website and see a film of these babies in action. They look cool, they go fast, and there's no hard seat making your butt sore. They're a little pricey, but what do you want? Economy or Cool? -Jobe
Troy Cutbirth of Rio Linda wins the Suburbanite of the year award for 2010 for this HEMI-powered BBQ grill, built for tailgate parties as Troy follows his beloved Lynyrd Skynyrd around America. The grill features a 5.7-liter V-8 HEMI engine, and can cook 240 hot dogs in 3 minutes! Troy tows it behind a Ford 250 truck with a pop-top camper and lots of chrome. Troy Cutbirth is a 'freebird!' -Jobe
VETERANS AND FAMILIES is an organization that helps vets returning from the war to return fully to their lives. Click on their name to go to their very informative website. These men and women who serve, some of them have lived through a horrible nightmare, and even coming home isn't enough to put things right. VETERANS AND FAMILIES is here to help out, to bridge that long distance between the battlefield and home. I encourage you to pass along the link to the vets in your life. -Jobe
I'm a commuter, too, you know. I live in Davis, 25 miles from The Eagle. My daily 50 mile roundtrip always has me thinking of newer and better ways to commute. Today, some... visual ideas.
They say you shouldn't eat while you drive, not even fries in a bag, but with this vehicle you get a little help.
For commuting on those days when you don't feel so good.
Here you're being green and lookin' good!
You ladies know you look good in heels.
What's the hurry? Slow down and enjoy the drive.
But it's cool. Listen to some little clips from Tom Jones new album PRAISE & BLAME. It's dark, lean; some people are comparing it to Johnny Cash's last few albums. Let me tell you, the clips sound COOL! Here's the link. -Jobe
We needed to cross the rain-swollen creek by walking on the fallen tree trunk, only about twelve feet across, but also a good twelve feet down into the creek. I was 12 and JL was 47, and we both had loaded 12 gauge shotguns. JL's was a beautiful Browning over-and under double barrel. "My argument," he'd say. The rain had picked up, and then had picked up again. We'd given up quail hunting hours ago. We were just walking in the Davey Crockett Forest, swapping stories. But we had to cross this creek. Our transportation was on the other side, a couple of miles more. For an hour we'd been telling jokes, outrageous, foul jokes that couldn't be repeated around women. JL was clear about that. And you have to understand, JL could crack me up with just a facial expression, and I could crack him up, too. So many times we laughed until our sides ached, and there was no longer any sound to our laughter. Hysterical. "Now, Son, this serious now. We gotta cross. Look serious for me." I crossed my eyes and wiggled my ears a little. I could do that, a little. "That does it. You go first." And he nudged me out onto the log. I can do this without laughing, I thought. A step, another, a third. Then I did it, I screwed up: I looked back. JL Jobe, my father, had turned Stetson hat sideways, crossed his eyes, and was making a guppy expression with his mouth. I lost it. I immediately went into a spasm of laughter out on the tree trunk, leaning out one way, then over compensating and leaning way outÂ on the other side. JL pitched his expensive shotgun to the far bank, raced out to me, disarming me and grabbing me all in one motion, pitching my shotgun to the far bank also, as we both sat down hard on wet tree trunk. We both laughed so hard we couldn't move for 10 minutes, and then we crawled across on our knees. "Hunters," JL muttered in between laughs, "Big hunters." -Jobe
You'll quickly realize that my favorite news site is in GreatÂ Britain. If you take a moment or two and poke through the sight you'll quickly see that the writing is solid journalism, especially so in the culture and science sections. Just click their name above the picture (which is from their Friday front page). An especially nice story currently is about the Yorkshire Ripper not making parole. Cool. -Jobe
It's almost time for the California State Fair, and the temperatures have been running higher. If you've lived in the are awhile you know it always gets hotter for the State Fair. This year they even moved the fair up a few weeks, but it didn't fool the temperatures; they're tuned up and ready to go. You just have to roll with it, man. Shorts. Loose cotton shirt. Enough sunscreen to ruin the gulf coast. (Oh, wait; someone's already done that...) Sweating is just a natural part of the fair experience. That and eating too much. Yes!
A decent one day fair schedule would be something this; skip breakfast, arrive as the gates open and head straight for the food court, and get something fairly heavy. The ribs meal. Then you go see the exhibits and let this settle down for a couple hours. Then something lighter or perhaps a dessert, followed by some of the daytime shows or livestock. I don't think beer all day is a good idea in the heat, but lots of cold drinks. Another light feasting, then ride on the midway for hours, until dinnertime, and then you really put on the feed bag again, the biggest meal there, or perhaps a weird combination from the food court, and then begin to pour in some beers, and enjoy the evening concert. More beer and something fried for the fireworks at closing. Finally, you let your (sober) wife drive home and you sleep the sleep of the dead. You are full, tired, full, a little sunburnned, full, slightly tipsy, full, maxed at on your personal fun meter, and full.
In short, the California State Fair is the King of all state fairs. See ya out there. --Jobe
Cool poster from 1939.
Medical pot business goes mobileMEDICINAL POT HOME DELIVERY: It's a growing business, it's largely unregulated, and it gets around the storefront bans in some communities. Click the link above the picture to go an interesting story on the Sacramento Bee website. -Jobe
I came across a cool, alt news website I wanted to share: WorldWideHippies.com
It has a wide spread of stories, is visually attractive and the site isÂ easy to move around in, and is absolutely coming from an old hippie point of view. And I wish we had some of that! -Jobe
Out in the wild suburbs of Davis, language itself is changing. It seems to me that the use of the polite term 'you're welcome' is falling out of use. Is it just me or have you noticed this, too?
You're at the grocery store, checking out, and the clerk hands you the receipt. You say, "Thank you," as you have been trained to say. And the correct reply is, "You're welcome." But the clerk says, "No prob." He says it in a very friendly manner, and you just go on, but it feels a little odd.
At the cafe later, now paying attention, you thank the waitress for something, refilling your glass of iced tea perhaps, and she gives you, "sure thing," over her shoulder. The kid at the auto parts counter says, "righteous." The receptionist at the dentist said, "It's ok!"
It's not ok. Common decency and simple politeness elevate us from the snails and monkeys. Please. Thank you. You're welcome. Work with me here.... please. -Jobe
We move to the suburbs for a variety of reasons; better schools, we tell ourselves. Less crime. And that's all well and good, as long as once in a while we tell the whole truth. We move to the 'burbs for parking. Your garage, your driveway, the street in front of your house; gone for ever are those endless minutes circling city blocks looking for a spot to open up.We just want to park, man. But, as the 'burbs become more and more crowded, parking is becoming decidedly more city-like, not this recent photo from the Dallas suburb of Irving, Texas, population 250,000. What's next? A country estate? -Jobe
One of my bigger failures in suburban life has to do with shopping; I cannot pick the faster check-out line. In fact, you can sure that if I pick the line, it will shut down.Â It's like an Act of God.
Â That nice old lady with only one item that I let go first is actually trying to cash a two-party check on the Bank of Ceylon. The housewife with four items that I hurried in behind needs a price check on three of them, all in different parts of the store. The old guy with a can of 3-in-1 oil doesn't understand the coupon is expired, and he's more than a little deaf. Time passes one long, slow tick at a time.
And there I stand, with my energy drink, a half gallon of soy milk, and my thumb, well... at least my wife doesn't send me that often. -Jobe
Do you think your suburban neighborhood is getting rough? It's not as quiet as when you moved there twenty years ago?Â There's loud parties down the block? A neighbor's labrador likes to poop in your flower bed? Is that what's troubling you, Bunky? Well, it could be worse. Much worse.
Police in South Africa are blaming a gang of some 350 baboons forÂ countless burglaries, thefts and vandalism in suburban Cape Peninsula -- and they're not sure what to do about it. I saw a good piece on this on NBC.
"People here are getting very angry," a Dr. Peter Kirsch told NBC News. "They get into the kitchen. They know where the refrigerator is. They open it. They tear it to pieces. They grab whatever food they can . . . and they defecate all over the place."
So, you can beÂ ripped off... AND step in monky poop. Jeez, I thought it was bad when that housefull of college kids moved in down the street!
The colony blamed for the vandalism is the country's last colony of coastal baboons. They are a protected species, so police are having a tough time figuring out a way to protect nervous suburbanites, and still keep the animals safe.
Police say they're not just breaking into homes. They've become fascinated with cars. Swell, so if your Toyota doesn't take off on its own, wild freaking monkeys might tear it to shreds. Ah, the 'burbs. -Jobe
As I've mentioned, I live in Davis, California, one of America's top 10 cities for bicyclists, year after year, even though really we are a suburb. But there is something to be said for cycling in the Big City, too. Check out London, where at least one day a year, they all cycle naked! This link is to a bikers blog on a UK news site. -Jobe
1100 Cyclists strip off in central London for World Naked Bike Ride
Living in wonderful Suburbia means commuting to work for most of us. The average American now commutes 16 miles each way; my own commute is 25 miles each way. I COULD take the bus --that is, 2 buses and a light rail train, but that takes 2 hours! So I drive it. Perhaps with a better vehicle I could get some wok done on the way. Here's one prototype. -Jobe
A Davis, CA Power-mower
I live in suburban Davis, California, where the bicyclist rules. We have bikes and bike trails all over our perfectly flat suburb. The laws are tough and the tickets steep for automobile drivers who violate the cyclists' space. Don't get in that bike lane, dude. It is quite common to see a family of four or five bicycling somewhere together, and it is not uncommon to know someone who doesn't even own a car, and says things like, "I'm off oil, man." But when I came across this Davis version of a power-mower, even after years of living here in Bike World, I was impressed. Clear-headed suburban thinking at its finest! A push mower in front of a mountain bike. Can I get that back yard for you, Mom?
-James Lee Jobe
Today I got excited. It had been a while. Suburban life is quiet.Â I found a coupon on my driveway for a $5.99 haircut at my local Great Clips. The same place where two of my three closest neighbors get their hair cut. It's next to the Safeway where we all buy exactly the same groceries every Saturday.
"Oh, boy!" I called for The Wife, "Look! A haircut coupon! $5.99!"
"Why don't you and your little buddies go together? Those coupons are all over the neighborhood." The Wife can kill joy just that quickly.
The Neighborhood. The land of identical houses. My neighborhood has 5 kinds of houses. They face different ways, and are painted differently, but it is the same 5 houses over and over again. And we all seem to have Toyotas and Nissans, and we all seem to work 15 to 25 miles away, in the city. We see each other in Home Depot and in line at Starbucks. We all get our oil changed at the same Jiffy Lube. Our kids discovered sex together, and we each have a Caitlin and a Zack. We've barbecued together for years. We all recycle.
"Yes, dear. We'll all go together. We'll get the same haircut! And plaid shirts on everyone! Maybe we could have just one name! Barry! We can all be Barry! We could trade lives and no one would notice. Not even you."
"There you go again...Why don't you just go get your haircut before your nerdy little friends even find their coupons? You can be First.Â And pick up this incredibly long list of feminine hygiene products at Safeway while you're out."
So I did. If you see me, will you do me a favor? Shoot me. Right in my ridiculously short haircut.
James Lee Jobe
-click here for story-This link is to a news story that is all too common in suburban America; the barking dog that never shuts up, and the owner who either doesn't care, or isn't even there. In the news story, a dog owner is actually arrested for the noisy inconvenience, but out here in the real world all that usually happens is people like you and me lose some sleep; often lying there wishing the dog owner could be arrested. And perhaps water-boarded.
My own next door neighbors, whom I like to call Perfect Neighbor Jeff and Perfect Neighbor Nancy, have a wiener dog that tends to yap if left on its own. Luckily, I had to endure only one period of 'yappidge extremidge' before Jeff and Nancy, being Perfect Neighbors, put that dog down. No, just kidding; they take that wiener dog with them on vacation now, which is better for everyone, including their short, fur-lined yap-meister, who, from the sound of his howls, is not a fan of being lonely.
And for those of you stuck with a noisy mutt in the neighborhood? Bond with your other neighbors, pitch in together and hire a cheap lawyer, and sue, sue, sue. It is the American Suburban Way, even if they seem to overlook the possibility in the article, which I hope you enjoy.
-James Lee Jobe