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Suburban Monkey Hell
by James Lee Jobe,posted Oct 26 2011 6:25PM
Do you think your suburban neighborhood is getting rough? It's not as quiet as when you moved there twenty years ago? There's loud parties down the block? A neighbor's labrador likes to poop in your flower bed? Is that what's troubling you, Bunky? Well, it could be worse. Much worse.
Police in South Africa are blaming a gang of some 350 baboons for countless burglaries, thefts and vandalism in suburban Cape Peninsula -- and they're not sure what to do about it. I saw a good piece on this on NBC.
"People here are getting very angry," a Dr. Peter Kirsch told NBC News. "They get into the kitchen. They know where the refrigerator is. They open it. They tear it to pieces. They grab whatever food they can . . . and they defecate all over the place."
So, you can be ripped off... AND step in monky poop. Jeez, I thought it was bad when that housefull of college kids moved in down the street!
The colony blamed for the vandalism is the country's last colony of coastal baboons. They are a protected species, so police are having a tough time figuring out a way to protect nervous suburbanites, and still keep the animals safe.
Police say they're not just breaking into homes. They've become fascinated with cars. Swell, so if your Toyota doesn't take off on its own, wild freaking monkeys might tear it to shreds. Ah, the 'burbs. -Jobe