THE SAMENESS:Life in the Suburbs
Today I got excited. It had been a while. Suburban life is quiet. I found a coupon on my driveway for a $5.99 haircut at my local Great Clips. The same place where two of my three closest neighbors get their hair cut. It's next to the Safeway where we all buy exactly the same groceries every Saturday.
"Oh, boy!" I called for The Wife, "Look! A haircut coupon! $5.99!"
"Why don't you and your little buddies go together? Those coupons are all over the neighborhood." The Wife can kill joy just that quickly.
The Neighborhood. The land of identical houses. My neighborhood has 5 kinds of houses. They face different ways, and are painted differently, but it is the same 5 houses over and over again. And we all seem to have Toyotas and Nissans, and we all seem to work 15 to 25 miles away, in the city. We see each other in Home Depot and in line at Starbucks. We all get our oil changed at the same Jiffy Lube. Our kids discovered sex together, and we each have a Caitlin and a Zack. We've barbecued together for years. We all recycle.
"Yes, dear. We'll all go together. We'll get the same haircut! And plaid shirts on everyone! Maybe we could have just one name! Barry! We can all be Barry! We could trade lives and no one would notice. Not even you."
"There you go again...Why don't you just go get your haircut before your nerdy little friends even find their coupons? You can be First. And pick up this incredibly long list of feminine hygiene products at Safeway while you're out."
So I did. If you see me, will you do me a favor? Shoot me. Right in my ridiculously short haircut.
James Lee Jobe